Meaningful Mitzvah Projects: Inspiring your Child

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What social action projects has your child planned or done? What might inspire them to act to help heal the world?

Over the last 20 years or so, it has become common for bar and bat mitzvah tweens to engage in a social or environmental action project as part of their learning experience. In fact, many synagogues require young folks to do so as part of the preparation for the bar/bat mitzvah celebrations.

Reflecting on the benefits of such projects, the writer Marjorie Ingall comments:

The intent is lovely: Teach kids about the responsibilities of Jewish adulthood, encourage the values of tikkun olam (healing/mending the world) and giving back, raise funds for good causes, and be so awesome that you don’t even need Ne-Yo in your bar mitzvah video (“Doing Mitzvah Projects Right,” Tablet Magazine, 3/13/2013).

But as Ingall points out, it is crucial for parents and educators to work closely with young people when choosing and crafting these projects (moving from “intent” to “execution” ).

Please share this with your bar/bat mitzvah child:
When thinking about your mitzvah project:
(based on the work of Naomi Eisenberger and the Ziv Tzedakah Fund):

  • What is one issue or that you care about? Why?
  • What talents or skills do you possess that you can apply to this cause?
  • Who can help you address this issue meaningfully?
  • What are 2-3 goals you want to accomplish through this mitzvah project?

In writing about the challenges and opportunities of the mitzvah project, Ingall adds the following points for our consideration:

  • Encourage your child or student to use the year preparing for their Bar/Bat Mitzvah AND committing to their mitzvah project. How can s/he make this happen?
  • If your bar/bat mitzvah is working with an organization, have him/her speak to representatives to understand how it works and how to be most helpful.
  • Explore how this project relates to key values and teachings from Judaism and other sources of wisdom.

As the great Jewish theologian and activist, Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel stated repeatedly, “To be is to stand for.” As our tweens prepare to enter Jewish adulthood, taking on a mitzvah project can help them determine what they “stand for” and how to make a difference in the world.

What is the True Meaning of a “Bar” or “Bat Mitzvah”?

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Like other religions and cultures throughout the world, Judaism has developed a variety of rituals to mark important life cycle moments. One of the most well-known of these rites is the bar or bat mitzvah.

Technically speaking, however, to be a bar (male) or bat (female) mitzvah means one is responsible for the performance of the mitzvot, “commandments.” According to tradition, when children enter puberty they are held accountable for their actions. A Jewish boy becomes a bar mitzvah at age 13 and a girl at 12 years old—with or without a service or celebration (some girls do not have their celebrations until the age of 13).

The initiation ceremony is what is commonly referred to as the bar or bat mitzvah. This usually involves a communal prayer service (often, but not always, on Shabbat) at which the young person may do one or more of the following:

  • Be counted in the minyan (prayer quorum of 10 Jewish adults);
  • Recite the blessing before and after the reading of a section of the Torah (this honor is known as an aliyah);
  • Chant a selection from the weekly Torah portion (parashah) and/or prophetic reading (haftarah) and its accompanying blessings; and,
  • Offer a sermon or teaching connected to the parashah or haftarah readings and the experience of becoming a bar or bat mitzvah.

Following the service, there is typically a festive meal and many families also host parties.

It is important to remember that while the bar or bat mitzvah service and celebration can be very powerful — and fun — experiences, these events should be viewed as part of a process in which the young person and his/her family explores what it means to be a Jewish adult, and the opportunities and responsibilities that come with it. This is a subject we hope the bar or bat mitzvah continues to actively explore for many years to come.

Please share this with your bar/bat mitzvah child…
“Bar” means “male” and “bat” means “female”. “Mitzvah” means one is responsible for performing the “mitzvot” or “commandments.” After your bar/bat mitzvah you will be seen as an adult, responsible for all of your actions.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah Gift Ideas

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What is a meaningful gift for a bar/bat mitzvah?

If possible, ask the bar or bat mitzvah and his/her parents what might be an appropriate, useful, or valued gift. Here are several present possibilities (categories and specific items):


TanakhTanakh (Hebrew Bible)
-Jewish Publication Society, JPS Hebrew-English Tanakh, Student Edition

Torah Commentary
-Harvey Fields, A Torah Commentary for Our Times, UAHC Press

Personalized Calligraphy
Personalized Calligraphy Torah Portion Prints

Classical Jewish Literature
-Barry Holtz (editor), Back to the Sources: Reading the Classic Jewish Texts, Simon & Schuster

Plant a Tree in Israel
Plant a tree in Israel in honor of the bar/bat mitzvah

Jewish Religious Practice
-Abraham Joshua Heschel, The Sabbath, FSG Classics

Jewish History & Culture
-Bryan Schwartz (Author), Jay Sand (Contributor), Sandy Carter (Contributor), Scattered Among The Nations, Weldon Owen


Judaica BookJewish Sacred & Cultural Objects
-Myra Yellin Outwater (Andy’s mother), Judaica, Schiffer Publishing Ltd.

Jewish Cooking
-Leah Koenig, Modern Jewish Cooking: Recipes & Customs for Today’s Kitchen, Chronicle Books

Big Book of Jewish Humor
Jewish Humor
-William Novack and Moshe Waldoks (editors), The Big Book of Jewish Humor, William Morrow Paperbacks

Jewish Sacred Objects (see, for example, Fair Trade Judaica):
-Shabbat Candlesticks
-Havdalah Candle Holder
-Kiddush Cup (used to sanctify Sabbath and holiday meals)


Tzedakah BoxTzedakah (“Charity”) Box (above)
-Hanukkiah (Hanukkah candelabrum, menorah)
-Yad (“hand”, pointer for Torah reading)
-Shofar (ram’s horn)
-Tallit (prayer shawl)
-Tefillin

Jewish Works of Art (see, for example, Fair Trade Judaica)


Gift Certificates ($18 or multiples of it is a common amount as it equals the Hebrew word for “life,” chai) or charitable donations (this could be related to the bar/bat “mitzvah” project).

Bar/Bat Mitzvah Fast Facts

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Did you know that…

The term “bar mitzvah” first appears in the Talmud, the great collection of oral Jewish teaching more than 1,200 years ago?

The plural form form of bar mitzvah is “b’nai mitzvah“; and the plural form of bat mitzvah is “b’not mitzvah.” Today, it is not uncommon for there to be more than one bar or bat mitzvah celebration on a given Shabbat in a synagogue (particularly large houses of worship). This could include twins (te’omim/te’omot) or different families.

The word bar in Aramaic means “son,” and mitzvah means “commandment” in Hebrew. In rabbinic usage, the term bar mitzvah means “a young man subject to Jewish law.”

The bar mitzvah ceremony did not emerge as a full-fledged ritual until the late Middle Ages, with more additions made throughout the modern period.

The first bat mitzvah celebration was 95 years ago and took place in the United States when Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan (1881-1983, founder of Reconstructionist Judaism) called his daughter Judith Kaplan to the Bimah.

Reform congregations replaced bar mitzvah ceremonies in 19th-century Germany. Instead a Confirmation ceremony was held between the ages of 16-17 because rabbinic leaders felt it was a more appropriate age for this rite of passage. Today, some Reform and Conservative synagogues hold both ceremonies to mark different moments of maturation.

Inside tefillin (prayer boxes or phylacteries) are parchment scrolls inscribed with verses from the Torah. One box is worn on the head and another other on the arm; both have accompanying straps to hold them in place. One traditional observance many young people begin at bar/bat mitzvah age (or in preparation for it) is the donning of a tallit (prayer shawl) and tefillin.

At many bar/bat mitzvah celebrations, the young person is called forth for the first time to recite the blessings before and after the reading of the section of the Torah. The Hebrew term for this honor is aliyah, which literally means an “ascension” or “elevation”. This same term is also traditionally used to describe moving to the Land of Israel.

The haftarah always has a thematic link to it and traditionally follows the Torah reading on Shabbat, Jewish holidays, and fast days. It is common for a bar or bat mitzvah to chant a selection from one of the books of the prophets as part of his/her celebratory service. The word for this piece of the ritual is called the haftarah (from the Hebrew for “parting” or “taking leave,” plural haftarot).

Living with Passion & Purpose: Family Reflections on a Mitzvah Project

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With the help of his family, Jacob Gurdin, an avid youth hockey player from Brookline, MA, undertook a creative, personally meaningful, and highly successful mitzvah project in support of the Travis Roy Foundation. Travis Roy was a gifted young hockey player, whose life was radically altered just 11 seconds into his first game as a freshman at Boston University (1995), when he was paralyzed from the neck down due to an awkward collision. Bravely, Travis turned his personal tragedy into a source of healing and blessing for countless others by establishing a foundation in support of spinal injuries, and through his public speaking and writing. Below are two brief excerpts from the inspiring speeches Jacob and his mom, Lisa, gave during the bar mitzvah ceremony about the project. Jacob’s bar mitzvah celebration included his reading from the Torah portion of Shemini (Leviticus 9:1–11:47), which includes a discussion of various rules of ritual conduct. The theme of personal and collective responsibility, including core values and rules, served to frame the remarks.

Jacob – For my mitzvah project, I organized a youth hockey tournament modeled on the famous Boston Beanpot Tournament to raise funds for the Travis Roy Foundation (TRF). The TRF helps people who have suffered spinal cord injuries by giving them adaptive equipment that allows them to be as independent as possible. Examples of adaptive equipment are voice recognition software, computers, ramps, and specialized vehicles. The equipment can be very expensive and without the Foundation, they would not be able to get that equipment. The TRF also donates funds to research to find a cure for paralysis. One of the most meaningful parts of the experience came in the hour or so before the tournament: When all the teams were getting ready to play, I went with Travis to each locker room, where Travis talked to the kids and coaches about his life and work. Everyone was respectful and listened carefully to him. As Travis spoke, I could tell people were inspired by his words and presence. Just before the first game, I stood at center ice and spoke to the teams and all the fans that came to support us. I was nervous about speaking in front of so many people, but proud to share my excitement about the project with them. The tournament was amazing! Not only did my team—the Jr. Eagles—win it all in shootout, but the silent auction and raffle were a hit. Between the online fundraising and the donations at the event itself, we raised about $19,000 dollars. I am also planning to donate a portion of my bar mitzvah money to the TRF. The whole experience, including getting to know Travis, was amazing. It felt so good to help people who have suffered and cannot do all the things they wish were a part of their daily lives. I feel so lucky to be able to contribute to a worthwhile cause with the love and support of my parents and siblings.

Lisa – The Jr. Beanpot started out as a small hockey tournament with four teams to raise money for the TRF, but ended up being much more. The moment I knew we were on to something life changing for our family was when we were visiting with Travis in his home in Boston. None of us knew what to expect. We met with Travis for about an hour and a half that day. He immediately made us feel at ease. We talked about his foundation and about Jacob’s bar mitzvah and the tournament. We were all taken by Travis’ resilience and his ability to wake up every day in his body and in his life and do good in the world. He perseveres through all the aches, pains, medical issues, and the need to have someone help him 24 hours a day. It made many of our daily complaints seem trivial. Spending time with Travis was heartbreaking, but it inspired our entire family to do everything we could to make the Jr. Beanpot a success and to continue working to help others. The best part of the experience was not the amazing hockey that was played that night, the fact that the Jr. Eagles won it, or that we raised $19,000. The best part for me was that Jacob’s idea—his bar mitzvah project—inspired over 60 kids and their families to return next year for the 2nd annual Jr. Beanpot. Travis says that he lived the first 20 years with a passion and the second 20 years with a purpose and that you are fortunate if you can live with both. I can say with confidence, that Jacob, you will live your life with a passion and a purpose. I’m so lucky to be your mom. Mazel tov!

A special thank you to Jacob and Lisa Gurdin for sharing their story and to Rabbi Or Rose for writing the introduction.

*To Learn more about Travis Roy and the TRF, please visit: https://www.travisroyfoundation.org/about/travis-roy

 

100 Years Ago Judith Kaplan Stood Boldly on the Bimah for the Very First Bat Mitzvah

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Did you know the first Bat Mitzvah took place 100 years ago?

The following article provides a concise introduction to the evolution of the bat mitzvah in American Jewish life. We thank our friends at the Jewish Women’s Archive for allowing us to reprint it (in excerpted form) on Breaking Matzo.

Today, a Jewish girl coming of age is likely to mark her entry to Jewish adulthood with some ceremony. But this was not always the case. The first Bat Mitzvah ceremony in America was celebrated on March 18th, 1922 by Judith Kaplan (Eisenstein), daughter of Rabbi Mordechai Kaplan. This “shocking” event consisted of 12-year-old Judith reading a passage from the weekly Torah portion in Hebrew and English from the printed humash (first five books of the Bible), and reciting the traditional blessings that precede and follow the Torah reading. Though Rabbi Kaplan was an influential leader in the Conservative movement (and later the founder of the Reconstructionist movement), his innovation was not immediately embraced.

In the Reform movement, girls had already been allowed to participate in the confirmation ritual that marked the end of one’s Jewish education. Jews in Western Europe and America had developed the confirmation ceremony in the nineteenth century to adapt their religious practice to that of the majority cultures, and they included girls to prove that Jews were “modern.” By the second half of the nineteenth century, confirmation — rather than Bar Mitzvah — was an accepted rite of passage in the American Reform movement.

Since Bar Mitzvah had become less important in the Reform movement, and since Orthodox Jews considered gender segregation in the synagogue religiously non-negotiable, the rise of the Bat Mitzvah ritual — and the struggle to define what it would look like — primarily took place in the Conservative movement. The Bat Mitzvah ceremony offered congregations a way to acknowledge a desire for women’s social equality and to provide a structure for Jewish education for girls. By 1948, some form of Bat Mitzvah ceremony was held in about one-third of Conservative congregations, and by the 1960s, it had become a regular feature within the movement. Until the 1980s, however, the ritual was usually not a precise parallel of the Bar Mitzvah. B’not Mitzvah ceremonies were often held during Friday night services, when the Torah is not read.

Although it was designed simply to offer public recognition of a girl’s coming of age, the Bat Mitzvah rite raised questions about the status of women within the synagogue. How could a girl be called to the Torah as a Bat Mitzvah and then never have such an honor again? The Conservative movement’s rabbinical body grappled with this issue in 1955, ultimately extending aliyot (the honor of being called to the Torah) to women. This step paved the way for full equality of women within the Conservative synagogue, which gradually prevailed in the 1970s and 1980s.

The rise of feminism shaped the practice and popularity of the Bat Mitzvah ceremony. As girls and women gained rights and equality within secular society, they came to expect — and demand — similar treatment within the Jewish community. This push to acknowledge the equality of women as Jews led every American Jewish denomination from Reform to modern Orthodox to adopt some type of Bat Mitzvah ceremony, among other changes such as the ordination of women as rabbis (1972 in the Reform movement, 1975 in the Reconstructionist movement, and 1985 in the Conservative movement). The form of the Bat Mitzvah rite varies according to the custom of the particular denomination. In recent years, many communities have added other, non-ritual components such as community service projects to the Bat Mitzvah experience.

Some women of earlier generations have, in the past 25 years, also turned to the Bat Mitzvah ceremony as adults to seize an opportunity they lacked as a child, to expand their Jewish knowledge and skills, and to signify their assumption of the rights and responsibilities of Jewish adulthood…

Though Bat Mitzvah has secured a central place in American Jewish communal practice, it continues to evolve, taking on new rituals and meaning in each generation. Furthermore, communities continue to confront challenging and sometimes divisive questions of ritual practice and status within the synagogue. The case of Bat Mitzvah, however, suggests that American Judaism is creative and flexible, with room for many different approaches to addressing changing social needs and mores.

*Photo credit: The Ira and Judith Kaplan Eisenstein Reconstructionist Archives, Reconstructionist Rabbinical College

To read the full piece, please click here.

We also recommend exploring the “My Bat Mitzvah Story” curriculum on the JWA site.

 

 

Wrapping Ourselves in Holiness — Tallit & Tefillin

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Do the clothes make the person? Can religious objects help us experience the sacred?

The tallit (or tallis) is a four-cornered prayer shawl worn by Jewish adults for various prayer services and other sacred occasions. In each of the four corners of the garment are strings wound and knotted in a special manner, called tzitzit. The tradition of attaching strings or fringes to one’s garment goes all the way back to the Tanakh (Hebrew Bible). The ancient instruction is to attach tzitzit to the corners of one’s garment as a way of remembering God and the commandments (Numbers 15:39). Therefore, many observant Jews wear a lighter version of the prayer shawl (called a “small tallit” or simply tzitzit) every day under or over their clothing as a way of reminding themselves of their beliefs and commitments. Traditionally, boys begin wearing tzitzit as early as age three. There are different traditions regarding the life stage at which a Jewish adult begins wearing a tallit. In many Jewish communities, it is first worn at bar/bat mitzvah age, while in others at the time of marriage. The tallit can be of any color or size based on custom and preference. We recommend purchasing one that is large enough to wrap yourself (or the bar/bat mitzvah) in as it can help create a sense of being enveloped in holiness. As Rabbi Goldie Milgram writes, “The tallit is a portable spiritual home.” In fact, the traditional blessing before donning a prayer shawl includes the words “to enwrap ourselves in the tzitzit.” The collar or upper band of the tallit is called the atarah (“crown”) and sometimes includes the blessing on it. The tallit is often kept in a special bag that comes with it.

 

Andy's Tallis & Tallit Bag

The tallis and tallit bag Andy received for his Bar Mitzvah, March 21, 1981.

 

Tallit Bags

Max Fish’s (Andy’s great grandfather) tallit bags circa 1921.

Tefillin are leather prayer boxes worn by observant Jews (often beginning at bar/bat mitzvah age) on weekdays for the morning service (or longer). One box (known as the shel yad, “hand”) is placed over the biceps and wound around the arm, hand, and fingers. The second box (known as shel rosh, “head”) is worn on the forehead at the hairline with its straps going around the back of the head, and hanging over the shoulders. Inside each of the boxes are hand-written copies (carefully prepared by a trained scribe) of the four biblical texts that first mention the need to place signs of devotion to God on the arm and head. These include: Exodus 13:1-10, 13:11-16 and Deuteronomy 6:4-9, 11:13-21; the latter two are part of the famous prayer, the Sh’ma. While it is unclear exactly what it meant to place such markers on one’s body in the biblical context, the rabbis engaged in detailed interpretive discussions about these objects and their ritual usage over many centuries. For example, Rabbi Joseph Caro (16th century) explained that tefillin are placed on the arm, adjacent to the heart, and on the head, near the brain, to demonstrate that these two central organs are required to serve God fully. There is a moving teaching in the Talmud (Tractate Berakhot 6a) that just as Jewish worshippers wear tefillin, God wears a pair of tefillin on which is written God’s love for the Jewish people.

A special thank you to Rabbi Or Rose for his work on this article.

The Meaning of Judaism: Andy’s Response to Sophia

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What does Judaism mean to you?

Below is Andy’s response to his niece Sophia’s request for a letter about the meaning of Judaism to him.

September, 2013

Dear Sophia,

Mazel Tov on your Bat Mitzvah! It is a wonderful tradition that you are sharing with generations and generations of Jews.

I apologize for the delay in responding to your Bat Mitzvah request. Discussing the meaning of Judaism is such a broad question and I really wanted the time to think. I love being Jewish. My love for Judaism has grown dramatically over time. My Judaism has also evolved as I have lived my life. It is not a static experience.  I feel that Judaism has helped me celebrate the High points in my life even higher, and mitigated the Low points from becoming even lower.

The five key elements of attraction to Judaism for me are the following:

  • Community / Tradition
  • Jewish Holidays
  • Torah
  • Israel
  • Sacred Time

Community / Tradition

It is so meaningful for me observe traditions and rituals that Jews have shared for 5000 years. I am humbled when I read the torah which has existed for three thousand years. I feel priviledged to celebrate Passover and see the picture of our relatives celebrating in Poland in 1930! I feel connected when I sing the same songs in Synagogue (whatever form) with Jews around the world and share the same tunes. I have gone to synagogue in Tokyo, London, Paris, Venice, and Zurich. No matter where I have prayed and gathered, I feel as if I were in Allentown Pennsylvania (where I grew up) or Boston (Temple Israel). You can communicate in so many ways with Jews around the country and community. These are incredible opportunities to belong to a community. I also found Jewish celebrations to be a great way to meet friends in Boarding School and College. Attending High Holidays on campus was a great way to start the year and make friends.

Jewish Holidays!

Need I say more. I am so glad that you have experienced my love for celebrating the Jewish Holidays. I believe that the Jewish Holidays create many opportunities for Magic Memories. There are so many ordinary moments that can be transformed into Extraordinary experiences. With a little bit of effort, You can make the Jewish Holidays Magical, Memorable, and Meaningful!

Does anyone love Passover more than me? You know how much I LOVE Passover. I love the tradition of cooking together in our kitchen – my mom, daughters, and having so much fun. I love thinking all year about the Haggadah. The Seder dinner conversation is always so rewarding to hear what each of the kids have to say. The lessons of Passover “ordinary to extraordinary” “slavery to freedom” “focusing on the basics” “the succah of abundance and the succah of the wilderness” I could go on and on. I hope that you have enjoyed our celebrations at Seder. Of course, I love to compete for the matza eating contest and “who knows one?” with all challengers (Pablo watch out!)

Succot is so much fun to decorate a Succah and have a lot of food and wine. It is a graduation party for the jewish community for completing Exams/Graduation Ceremony of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.  I love making a huge mess of oil in the kitchen as we cook Latkes and Sufganyot to celebrate Chanukah. There is something so magical about lighting the menorah for each of the eight nights. I also loved weekly Shabbat dinners when I grew up and when Caroline and Lucy grew up. It was a beautiful way to stop (Shabbat) and reflect on the week.

How could I possibly not mention Bar and Bat Mitzvah Celebrations and the coming of age for the Jewish Adult. You were able to enjoy Caroline and Lucy’s Bat Mitzvahs and see how meaningful it was for them to talk about their torah portions. Caroline referred to making Holidays (fun and celebratory) and Holydays (meaningful and spiritual) and the concept of Sacred time. Lucy talked about the transformation of Abram /Sarai to Abraham / Sarah as they brought “hay” G-d into their lives. (Today, I actually just reread their torah speeches and was moved to tears.)

It is important to me to gather Family and Friends (both jewish and non-jewish) for celebrations. I love sharing the traditions with the same friends year after year. I also love introducing non-Jews to our customs.

Last but not least, I LOVE THE FOOD in Jewish Celebrations. I love cooking and eating our traditional foods. Here are some of my favorites: chopped liver, chicken soup, charoseth (5 varieties), matza balls, kugel, schmaltz, latkes, sufganyot, hummantashen, etc…)

Torah

I love studying the Torah.  I started studying with Rabbi Ulman in 2006. Caroline and Lucy began studying with him for their Bat Mitzvahs. I love studying with my family and friends. The torah has been around for almost 3,000 years. Why do people keep reading the same book? Why do other religions model their bible’s after the torah? Because, studying the torah is so impactful and meaningful. Each time I have studied torah, I have found it to be the most important thing I have done all week. The lessons I learn from each passage directly impact my life. I have been so deeply moved and influenced by my studies. The Torah deals with the essence of human beings and how to live a deeply meaningful and purposeful life. I love the interconnectedness of the Torah – elements and concepts cross across many chapters.  Studying torah can be done at multiple levels and still have major meaning. Frankly, I don’t think that it matters whether or not you actually believe in the characters or stories in the Torah. You can purely read it as an example of the most successful piece of literature ever written.

Israel

Have you been to Israel? If you have, you understand why it is so powerful and meaningful and why it is most special place on the planet. If you haven’t yet been, please go! (There are many ways to go to Israel (Birthright) where you can travel very inexpensively to Israel with kids your own age.)

Simply put. Israel is the nexus of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. All three share their most important physical locations within 300 yards of each other. It is so powerful to see the center of all of these belief systems. Praying at the Western Wall and realizing that Jews have prayed at the very same spot for over 3000 years is a concept that it difficult for me to comprehend in my mind, yet immediately palpable in my heart and soul.  The history and archeology will amaze and fascinate you. It is incredible to walk in the same footsteps that Jewish leaders have previously walked for thousands of years. In addition, the history of the founding of the modern State of Israel is so inspiring that a rag tag group of young Jews could build such a powerful military and economic and political country in the middle of a desert and in the midst of hostile enemies. Israel cannot never lose a war. If so, it would end the state of Israel. This concept is hard for us in the utopian United States to understand. Please go and visit your Israel relatives. It will be an unforgettable experience

Sacred time.

In Leviticus (Chapter 23 Verse 1), G-d teaches Moses about Sacred time and refers to Shabbat, Passover, and Succott. Shabbat literally means “to stop” These holidays help us reach a spiritual place by stopping our usual routine and being fully present. I have learned that the most important moments in life can last forever. However, this is only possible if you are fully present. I have learned that being fully present means experiencing time without any judgement or expectation. Simply being present to fully hear and experience the moment and share with those around you. Judaism has helped me reach this understanding. Judaism has enabled me to fully enjoy the emotional significance of Caroline’s and Lucy’s Bat Mitzvahs. In addition, Judaism has helped me deal with the difficult circumstances of death, divorce, and disappointment.

I actually first experienced this power of Judaism when I was an exchange student (age 15) in Japan. I was visiting Mazda Motor Corporation and staying in the company dormitory when my Dad told me on the phone that my grandfather (Normy) died. I was so grief struck and felt desolate and alone – completely by myself and in Japan! I left the dorm and wandered for hours and hours in the parking lot chanting all of the Hebrew prayers and Jewish songs that I could remember. I suddenly didn’t feel alone. I felt a connection to my family and friends and community and felt connected with Normy.  I experienced Sacred Time in a parking lot in Japan! This epitomizes this important Jewish Concept.

A few final thoughts that I would like to share. You can make Judaism your own. There is no “Pope” or higher authority determining “right and wrong” in observing Judaism. There is no cookie cutter way to celebrate and observe. As you have experienced with me, I bring a lot of personal touches and creativity into our celebrations. You can innovate and personalize in Judaism. The most important Jewish Celebrations take place in the home (Shabbat, Succot, Passover). Make it your own!

La Chaim! Mazel Tov! You are on the right path, Continue…

Love, Andy (a/k/a Rabbi Andy for today 🙂 )

Planning a Bar/Bat Mitzvah Trip to Israel — Top 10 Places to Visit

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Do you have a favorite place to visit in the Holy Land or elsewhere in the world? What makes it special?

Historical & Cultural Sites:

  1. The Old City of Jerusalem – Experience centuries of history as you walk through the cobblestone streets of this ancient city that is sacred to Jews, Christians, and Muslims alike. While here, visit the Western Wall, the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, the Dome of the Rock, and many more religious and historical sites.
  2. Yad Va’Shem, Jerusalem – Make an introspective visit to one of the most powerful Holocaust Remembrance Centers in the world, located in the modern city of Jerusalem. Here you will learn about the rich and vibrant life of European Jewry before the Shoah (“Catastrophe”), as well as the horrors of Nazism and anti-Semitism.
  3. The Israel Museum, Jerusalem – Founded in 1965, this world class museum, with ancient and modern exhibits, is situated on a hill in the Givat Ram neighborhood of the new city, near the Bible Lands Museum, the Knesset, the Israeli Supreme Court, and the Hebrew University of Jerusalem.
  4. Masada – This ancient fortress in southern Israel’s Judean Desert is a massive plateau overlooking the Dead Sea. Take a cable car or hike up the winding paths to view ruins from the reign of King Herod, learn about the Jewish rebellion against the Roman empire, and behold beautiful panoramic views.
  5. T’zfat (or Safed) – This mountaintop city in the Galilee has been a center of Jewish mysticism (Kabbalah) since the 16th century. Today it is home to a mixture of Hasidic Jews, religious artists and craftspeople, and spiritual seekers. Among the sites in the old city are the synagogues of the great rabbinic figures Isaac Luria and Joseph Caro, as well as the gravesites of these and other legendary mystical figures.
  6. Baha’i Gardens – Travel northward to the Mediterranean coastal city of Haifa and discover the stunning Baha’i Gardens and Temple on Mount Carmel. The Bahai faith tradition is relatively new, started under 200 years ago by a Persian figure named Siyyid Ali Muhammad Shirazi, known to his followers as the prophet Bab (“Gate” in Arabic). Every year, hundreds of thousands of people visit the exquisite Gardens in Haifa and nearby Acre.

    Family Fun:
  7. The Dead Sea (or “Salt Sea”) – Descend to the lowest place on earth—417 meters below sea level—to float in the salty Sea water and cover yourself in the nutrient-rich mud while enjoying the natural beauty of the surrounding Jordanian and the Judean deserts. While at the Sea, visit the beautiful oasis and nature preserve Ein Gedi (“Spring of the Kid Goat”), located west of the Dead Sea, near Masada and the Qumran Caves.
  8. Tel Aviv – Located on the country’s Mediterranean coast, this vibrant modern city is home to beautiful beaches, outstanding restaurants and shopping, and an array of cultural activities. Tel Aviv is the financial center and the technology hub of Israel. Walk southward through the city to the quaint port of Jaffa—dating all the way back to the Bible—with its famous bazaar and flea market.
  9. Ramon Crater (Makhtesh Ramon) – Located about an hour south of Beersheba in Israel’s Negev Desert, this geological wonder is 40 km long and 2-10 km wide. This is the deepest crater in the world, sinking some 500m at its lowest point, and forms Israel’s largest national park, The Ramon Nature Reserve. The Crater is located at the peak of Mount Negev and is shaped like a stretched out heart.
  10. Eilat – Relax in this Red Sea resort city and enjoy scuba diving, snorkeling, swimming, and various sports activities. Eilat is the southernmost town in Israel, secluded from the rest of the country by the Negev desert. Situated between the borders of Egypt and Jordan, it offers spectacular views of the Gulf of Aqaba.

Hiring a guide is a wonderful way to tour Israel.

Rent-a-Guide: Professional Guide Services

Learning More About the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Experience

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The following resources were used in the preparation of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah section of the Breaking Matzo website:

“History of Bar/Bat Mitzvah and Confirmation,” My Jewish Learning, http://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/history-of-barbat-mitzvah-and-confirmation


Putting God on the Guest List
Jeffrey Salkin, Putting God on the Guest List: How to Reclaim the Spiritual Meaning of Your Child’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah (Jewish Lights)

Goldie Milgram, Make Your Own Bar/Bat Mitzvah: A Personal Approach to Creating a Meaningful Rite of Passage (Jossey-Bass)

___________, “What is a Tallit? What do the Fringes Mean? And a Ritual for Tying the Knots,” Reclaiming Judaism, http://www.reclaimingjudaism.org/teachings/what-tallit-what-do-fringes-mean-and-ritual-tying-knots

Joseph Telushkin, “Tefillin,” Jewish Virtual Library, http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/tefillin, republished from Jewish Literacy (William Morrow and Company, 1991)


The Mitzvah Project BookLiz Suneby and Diane Heiman, The Mitzvah Project Book: Making Mitzvah Part of Your Bar/Bat Mitzvah… and Your Life (Jewish Lights)

Marjorie Ingall, “Doing Mitzvah Projects Right,” Tablet Magazine, http://www.tabletmag.com/jewish-life-and-religion/126833/doing-mitzvah-projects-right

___________, “Kvelling Over My Daughter’s Bat Mitzvah,” Tablet Magazine, http://www.tabletmag.com/jewish-life-and-religion/186997/kvelling-over-bat-mitzvah

“How to Create the Perfect Bar Mitzvah Speech,” Chabad.org, http://www.chabad.org/tools/lifecycles/myspeech_cdo/aid/1912286/jewish/Bar-Mitzvah-Speeches.htm

“Bar Mitzvah/Bat Mitzvah Gift Guide,” My Jewish Learning, http://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/bar-or-bat-mitzvah-gift-guide/#anchor6