The following three parables discuss the importance of finding meaning and experiencing joy during the celebration of Jewish holidays. The first parable discusses the value in making Shabbat joyous, celebratory and community-oriented. The second parable highlights the significance of recognizing the Torah as a source of blessing, a basis for all celebrations, and a framework for connections and the creation of joy. The final parable helps us appreciate the unwavering relevance of the story of Passover: starting with Moses and continuing today. By understanding the significance behind the holiday, you can make your own Seder unique, meaningful, personal. Nevertheless, by maintaining the true meaning of the occasion, even Moses would recognize the value in your celebration today.

Each of these three parables instructs us to find the joy in celebrations. Shabbat encourages us to seek out joy, celebration, and human connection. Torah, on the other hand, is the music to be played and shared with others in a non-linear manner – integrated in daily life. Finally, Moses and the story of Passover show us how to make meaning in our daily lives by continuously moving forward on your journey. Shabbat, Torah, and Passover are intended to be living tools to incorporate in your every day life.

Learning from The Baal Shem’s Dream

“The Baal Shem’s Dream” is a lesson in both discipline and relaxation. It demonstrates how, with the right balance of both, one can find peace and satisfaction. Please see the below passages from “The Baal Shem’s Dream,” followed by our interpretation of its message.

The Baal Shem’s Dream:

The Sadigurer Hasid, Reb Leibush Istriker, related the following legend, while seated at the communal third meal of the Sabbath:

When the Besht was still seeking the proper way to serve the Lord, he found that the observance of the Sabbath according to the injunctions of the later Rabbis practically prohibited any movement, and filled a man with anxiety lest he transgress some strict regulation. He believed that this contradicted the command of Isaiah to ‘call the Sabbath a delight’ (Isaiah 58:13). He pondered on this for a long time, and in the night he had a dream:

An Angel took him up to Heaven and showed him two vacant chairs in the highest place in Paradise, brilliantly illuminated, as if with vari-colored gems. ‘For whom are these intended?’ he asked. ‘For thee,’ was the answer, ‘if thou makest use of thy intelligence; and also for a man whose name and residence I am writing down for thee.”

He was next taken to Gehenna at its deepest spot, and shown two vacant seats, burning with hellish flame. ‘For whom are these intended?’ he asked. ‘For thee,’ was the answer, ‘if thou makest no use of thy intelligence; and also for a man whose name and residence I am writing down for thee.”

In this dream the Besht visited the man who was to be his companion in Paradise. He found him living among non-Jews, ignorant of Judaism, except that on the Sabbath he gave a banquet for his non-Jewish friends, wherein he greatly rejoiced.

“Why do you hold this banquet?’ he asked the Besht. ‘I know not,’ replied the man, ‘but I recall that in my youth, my parents prepared admirable meals on Saturday, and sang many songs; hence I do the same.’ The Besht wished to instruct him in Judaism, inasmuch as he had been born a Jew. But the power of speech left him for the moment, since he realized that the man’s joy in the Sabbath for be marred if he knew all his shortcomings in the performance of the religious duties.

The Besht then departed, in his dream, to the place where his companion in Gehenna dwelt. He found the man to be a strict observer of Judaism, always in anxiety lest his conduct was not correct, and passing the entire Sabbath day as if he were sitting on hot coals. The Besht wished to rebuke him, but once more the power of speech was taken away from him, since he realized that the man would never understand that he was doing wrong.

Thereupon the Besht meditated on the whole matter, and evolved his new system of observance, whereby God is served in joy which comes from the heart.

Fun Rebe’s Hauf, by I. Ewen; New York, 1922; Yiddish.

The Baal Shem Tov’s dream teaches us an important lesson about life . In order to maximize the joys of life, one must understand the reasoning behind them. At the same time, if you are too focused on the rules, you fail to enjoy the celebrations. This is similar to the concept of the four species of Sukkot. The Hadas has a good fragrance, but no taste, representing a person who does good deeds, but doesn’t study the Torah. The Lulav has a good taste, but no smell, representing a person who studies Torah, but does not perform good deeds. The Aravah has neither taste nor smell, representing a person who does not study Torah nor perform good deeds. The Etrog has a good taste and a good fragrance, representing a person who studies the Torah and performs good deeds. We should strive to be like the Etrog – engaging in our studies, without letting the details ruin the mitzvot.

In the above story, when the Besht’s “companion in Paradise” is asked why he holds his banquet, he is left without an answer. The only explanation he can give is that in his youth, his parents did the same. While the meaning behind this tradition didn’t say with him in his adulthood, the sentiment did. As such, he became a consistent host of Shabbat dinners, not knowing the years of tradition and history behind his actions. This dinners were purely a matter of joy and celebration. The Besht knew that, should he learn about the formal requirements behind a Shabbat dinner, the sentiment would be marred.

On the other hand, when “his companion in Gehenna” is so strict in his adherence to the rules and requirements of Shabbat that he is filled with constant anxiety. His entire Shabbat was spent in fear of breaking a rule, and the intended sentiment of the occasion was lost on him. The Besht wished to explain this shortcoming, but knew that doing so would be meaningless to the man.

Oneg shabbat – to enter in the joy of shabbat

In reality, the most meaning can be found from a combination of the perspectives of the two men described in the story. Being aware of the purpose behind your actions can make them more meaningful, but being too aware of these regulations can distract from the moment itself.

Hearing

I heard the following parable from my grandfather [the Baal Shem Tov]:

A musician was once playing the most beautiful melody, with a wondrous rhythm and all the sweetness in the world. All who heard him were captivated by the sweetness and joy of his melody, and they danced until they almost touched the ceiling.

The entire room was filled with great joy, rhythm and sweetness. The closer one came to the musician, the closer he would draw, having all the more pleasure and dancing all the higher.

In the middle of all this, a deaf man came along, and he could not hear the beautiful music at all. All he saw were people wildly dancing, and he thought that they were mad. His only thought was, “What kind of joy is this?”

If this deaf man were wise, he would have understood that something was motivating the people, and he could have deduced that a very beautiful melody was being played. If he could have understood this, then he too would have danced with them.

Rabbi Moshe Chaim Efraim of Sudylkov (1746-1790), Degel Machaneh Efraim, Yithro New York 1942, p. 69.

Spirituality is not meant to be experienced alone. If you were blind and heard music, but could not see the celebration, you are not exposed to the entire experience. In this story, the musician could be interpreted as a Rabbi, while the music is Torah. By definition, seeing is a chemical reaction of light particles going through your iris, refracting on the retina, and stimulating the optic nerve and sending signals to the brain. Understanding, however, involves mind, body, and spirit. We must see, hear, and feel with the heart in order to get the full picture. Historically, the Baal Shem Tov brought Kabbalah to the masses through stories, simple spiritual practices, and joyous celebrations. Many learned Jews were not interested in this newly amplified manner of celebration, yet Kabbalah gave this community a sense of active joy, celebration, and engagement. In this way they learned how to celebrate with the heart, rather than simply embracing the cerebral stimulation of the mind.

Moshe in Rabbi Akiva’s Beit Midrash

Rabbi Yehuda said in the name of Rav:

When Moshe went up to the heavens (at Mt. Sinai),

He found God sitting and fastening crownlets to the

Letters of the Torah.

He asked: Master of the universe, who is delaying

You (in this way the giving of the Torah)?

God responded: There will be a man who will live

Many generations from now whose name is Akiva

Son of Joseph, and he will derive heaps of laws from

Every jot and title.

Moshe said: Master of the universe, show him to me!

God replied: Turn around.

Moshe went and sat behind the eighth row of

Students (in Akiva’s Beit Midrash).

He did not understand what was being said.

Moshe felt faint.

But when the discussion reached a certain point,

Rabbi Akiva’s students asked: “Rabbi, what is the

Source of the authority of these teachings?”

Rabbi Akiva replied: Halacha L’Moshe miSinai, This is

Law given to Moshe at Sinai.

Moshe’s mind settled.

Moshe returned to God and said:

Lord of the Universe, you have such a man (as Akiva)

And yet you give the Torah through me?

God replied: Be silent: Thus have I decided.

A meaningful life comes from continued learning. In this story, it seems as if Moses is the student in the back of the class – not understanding or grasping the concepts being taught. As the meaning becomes more apparent, however, he agreed and connected with the spirit. Learning has no end point. You can always learn more. As you are confronted with new ideas, you’ll slowly begin to absorb more knowledge and understand them more. There’s an elasticity of Moses’ teachings that allow them to have meaning today. We can learn from his experience by continuing to study, question, and learn. The guy sitting on hot coals at Shabbat is the one who can’t move forward. He has detached himself from the moment and the meaning of the occasion is no longer present in his actions, thoughts, and behaviors. The one who hears the music and celebrates is the one who grows the most. He allows himself to make mistakes, hear new information, and grow through learning. If you push a snowball off a mountain, it will continue to get bigger as it travels down. As people, we have the opportunity to gain more and more knowledge throughout the course of our lives. All greatness gets greater when others take part in it. Drawing on the experiences, knowledge, and values of others can help us learn more about ourselves, the people we interact with, and the world we live in. Rabbi Akiva could not have done it without Moses, and we could not be doing it without Rabbi Akiva.

Each of these three parables instructs us to find the joy in celebrations. Shabbat encourages us to seek out joy, celebration, and human connection. Torah, on the other hand, is the music to be played and shared with others in a non-linear manner – integrated in daily life. Finally, Moses and the story of Passover show us how to make meaning in our daily lives by continuously moving forward on your journey. Shabbat, Torah, and Passover are intended to be living tools to incorporate in your every day life.

Serendipity and synchronicity are two often-mistaken, yet importantly distinct terms.

Serendipity is defined as an unsolicited, unintentional, and/or unforeseen, yet fortunate realization or learning experience that happens by chance. Furthermore, it can be described as a combination of events which, when they occur separately are not advantageous or helpful, but when they occur together, produce a favorable outcome.

Synchronicity, on the other hand, refers to coincidences that appear to be meaningfully connected, as a result of the force of “the universe.” The term was defined by Carl Jung, an analytical psychologist, who described synchronicity as a “meaningful coincidence of two or more events where something other than the probability of chance is involved.”

Serendipity involves two separate occurrences which may or may not have taken a lot of gestation period. When these two separate events are unified, the subsequent impact is of a relatively short order.  For example, unexpectedly finding a $5 bill in your pocket and buying a candy bar.

Synchronicity, however, involves two separate events or parties with a meaningful gestation period and when combined, dramatically alter the path forward by opening an entirely new set of outcomes. For example, one day, you meet someone you’re romantically interested in and discover that their phone password is identical to yours… and it helps forge an entirely new depth and sustained relationship! The resulting impact is long and sustained.

Examples of synchronicity in the story of Joseph can be found in the following Torah portions:

Genesis 28:10

Jacob left Beer-Sheba and set out for Haran. Jacob encountered the place and had a dream. This passage involves three key elements of synchronicity

The three phrases are as follows:

וַיֵּצֵ֥א יַעֲקֹ֖ב מִבְּאֵ֣ר שָׁ֑בַע וַיֵּ֖לֶךְ חָרָֽנָה

vayetse yaakov mi be’er sheva vayeilech charanah

Jacob left Beer-sheba, and set out for Haran (Gen 28:10)

Then, the following line reads:

“and Jacob encountered the place”

וַיִּפְגַּ֨ע – vayifga

Vayetse jaocov – Jacob exited Beer-Sheba

Here, the verb and concept of “vayetse” comes from the root of “to sprout forth.” In other words, go forward and create new life or new path. This concept can be seen throughout the story of Abram (Geneiss 12) when he goes forth from Haran to the land of Canaan. We see it again, in Exodus, when the Children of Israel go forth from Mitzraim (Egypt), through the wilderness and eventually to the promised land

“Yetziat mitzrayim,” the “exit” or “exodus” from Egypt (or “sprouting forth from Egypt”) is mentioned in several passages, including Deut 16:3 and Numbers 15:41. It is also included in the phrase that we say during the end of the Kiddush for Shabbat: “zecher l’tziat mitzrayim,” “a remembrance of the exodus of Egypt.” The Kiddush also reflects this concept of sprouting forth: from the kiddush, we leave the week behind and enter the sanctity of Shabbat. Each of these examples represent sacred transitions.

The word “Haran” literally translates to “crossroads.” The idea that is referenced in the stories of Abram and Jacob is that of coming to the crossroad. Their pivotal moments occur at a crossroads where they must identify and choose a new path in their lives.

Vayifga, the first word in the 24^th weekly Torah portion, translates to “encounter,” but often references a meaningful interaction between two parties or two entities (with agency) coming together. In this sense, if Jacob had simply arrived to a place, we would say he “came” or “settled.” Instead, in this passage, Jacob “encountered” the space – noting a meaningful interaction. Jacob and the place are both entities with agency, moving towards each other.

The combination of these three phrases – “Haran/crossroads” “Vayetse/go forth,” and “Vayifga/encounter,”– come together dynamically during Jacob’s famed Ladder Dream. During this dream, God and angels promise Jacob, and all of his descendants, the Land of Israel.  Later in his life, Jacob wrestles with an angel in the night, leading to a change in name from Jacob to Israel – “he who wrestles with God and survives.” This example of biblical synchronicity represents Jacob’s destiny unfolding in real time.

How does structure give your life freedom?  How do you balance chaos and order?

During a meditation trip to Bhutan, I couldn’t help but notice the conflict and coordination that exists between chaos and order.

When I was younger, I thought that order and chaos were diametrically opposite. But, as I have grown, I’ve learned the beautiful integration of order and chaos and how they can come together to form harmony and happiness. While structure gives you the freedom to operate, when a certain amount of chaos is thrown in the mix, it devolves into creativity.

When I was younger, my mom (of blessed memory) often faced chaos in her life. For instance, she’d cook a delicious dinner, only to find chaos in the kitchen: dirty dishes, used utensils, and melting butter left on the counter for days. My mom’s driving was terrible, and, as a result of this, she got in many, many accidents. I also remember my mom’s ubiquitous knitting bags. Even though she was creating beautiful works of craftsmanship, I’d constantly find yarn and knitting needles at every turn. In spite of the seaming chaos, my time with my mom was always full of love.

I lived my early life attempting to create a stable and structured framework so as to foster a sense of order. I knew that too much freedom can lead to chaos, but if it exists within a structured framework, it can lead to harmony. In an attempt to mitigate the inevitable chaos of life, I have tried to create a structure through which freedom can operate and harmony can emerge.

On my trip to Bhutan, I watched a Bhutanese woman weave the tapestry shown in this photo, and what I instantly noticed was the existence of a framework.

Each tapestry begins the same — simple straights and empty space full of opportunity. Straights and crosses. The plain white string strung top to bottom. On a loom, the straights make up the entirety of the structure.

Then, little by little, step by step, the crosses come together to create content. The beautiful colors of the thread weave across the straight to reveal a pattern.

Straights function as structure.

Crosses create the interest.

If a tapestry were made up of only straights, it would provide no interest. It would remain boring, plain, and simple.

If a tapestry were made up of only crosses, its beauty would be ephemeral and devoid of structure. Therefore, it would fall apart.

It was this epiphany that helped me recognize appreciate the harmony of chaos and order. When Chaos and order clash, chaos wins. When woven together, however, harmony emerges. A tapestry, such as the one shown above, can transport you, like a magic carpet, to a new time or place. The collaboration between the crosses and straights creates a beautiful representation of creativity.

In Judaism, there is a mystical tradition which discusses how chaotic energies can be woven together in a way that is productive, creative, and generative, rather than destructive. This concept is even alluded to at the very beginning of the Torah, when in Genesis 1 the creation of the universe is described as having come from chaos (“tohu” / תוֹהוּ). Order (also known as “tikkun”/ תִּקּוּן in Kabbalah)  then appears once light is created when God first declares: “Let there be light.” Upon this proclamation, order and chaos come together in a harmonious bond.

Just as order and chaos fused together to create the universe, the same process occurs, on a much smaller scale, in our own minds. In Hebrew, the verb to think (chashav) is derived from the root of “to weave.” Thus, in the biblical imagination, “thinking” is synonymous with “weaving.” When we devote time to thoughtful reflections, we allow ourselves to weave together the chaos and order of everyday life.

May you find the appropriate levels of chaos and order, create the balance necessary for freedom, and experience the joy of harmony.

As a parent, what really matters?

One summer, I was with a friend who had just become a father. I texted my daughter: “My friend just became a first-time father and now has a one-month old daughter. What advice would you give him?”

Within four minutes, my daughter texted me back.

“Make fun shaped pancakes. Baby jogger. Red light / green light learn how to walk down the street.”

I was filled with joy when I read my daughter’s text, because it perfectly summed up my personal philosophy of being a father. In general, I always tell parents they don’t have to spend 100% of their time with their children, but, when they are with them, to be 100% available. Now, I want to echo those philosophies to you. They go as follows:

1. Make Fun Shaped Pancakes
   • Make it magical, not clinical.
2. Baby Jogger
   • Float like a feather.
3. Red Light / Green Light – learn how to walk down the street
   • Be like an anchor.
4. Don’t bend like bamboo, or else you’ll break.

Make Fun Shaped Pancakes / Make it magical, not clinical

My daughter, Lucy, suggested my friend make “fun shaped pancakes.” When she was growing up, I never simply made regular circular pancakes for my kids. Instead, I’d fill an empty ketchup bottle with pancake batter, squeeze the bottle onto the pan, and “write” the letters of their names or create fun shapes in the form of pancakes. This little bit of extra effort I put into an otherwise mundane activity really did not take much more time, but certainly made breakfast a lot more fun!

When my kids were young, I always looked for opportunities to turn an ordinary thing into an extraordinary thing. In other words, I looked for a way to make life magical, rather than clinical. One of my favorite activities during which to apply this philosophy was during meal-making. In addition to my fun pancakes, I’d always cut hot dogs in different shapes and decorate the plate in ketchup-art. Furthermore, I always involved my kids while I was cooking and looked for roles that would be safe, appropriate, and accessible for kids. For example, I asked them to pour pre-measured ingredients into a mixing bowl. By doing this, I gave them personal agency and responsibility, which made them feel respected. Additionally, by showing them how to make mundane activities into fun ones, I illustrated to them the importance of making every moment a little extra magical.

Breaking Matzo is based on making Jewish Home Holidays Magical, Meaningful, and Memorable so that people of all ages and backgrounds can come together in celebration. In particular, I have always tried to make the Jewish holidays accessible, exciting, and engaging for young children so they can have a role in traditions from a young age.

Baby Jogger / Float like a feather

Lucy also recommended my friend take his children out in a “baby jogger.” When she was younger, and the weather permitted it, I would take Lucy and Caroline outside in a baby jogger for a weekend adventure, getting my exercise in while they enjoyed the sights of the park. I had no schedule or route; I simply allowed them to direct me. We would run along the Charles River, explore the playground, sing their favorite songs, and their favorite snacks: goldfish, Oreos, and fruit. We always had a great time.

I call this child-led time “floating like a feather.” In this sense, I recommend acting like a feather and going wherever the wind blows you. Be open to every possibility. Life can be full of strict scheduling and rigid plans, so I tried to make sure my playtime with my children was easy going and free flowing.

Red Light , Green Light  – Learn how to walk down the street / Be like an anchor

Like every parent, I was always concerned with the safety of my children – especially when they were younger and didn’t realize the risks of everyday activities, like running into traffic. To prevent them from doing this, I utilized the “red light, green light” game. From a young age, my kids knew that when I said “red light,” they had to immediately stop.  Our home was four blocks from the neighborhood playground, so we always use this safety protocol.  This way, when we were walking through the busy streets of Boston, I knew I had some control over their movements. Then, when I said “green light,” they knew they were safe to go ahead. To this day, my daughters will instantly stop upon hearing me say “red light.” In this way, acting as an anchor kept my kids safe throughout their childhood.

Don’t bend like bamboo, or else you’ll break.

Bamboo is an incredibly flexible plant. As the wind bends it back and forth, it refuses to break. This ability to adapt to any circumstance, no matter how tumultuous, is an awesome symbol of resilience. The bamboo plant can literally bounce back from anything. People, however, are not bamboo; and in parenting, while a little bending is warranted, too much can make you break.

As a parent, especially as your children get older, it can be important to explain the reasoning behind your rules and decisions. But, if you “break” every time your child asks you to change your stance, they won’t respect your judgement. If you vacillate in every request and allow every rule to become a negotiation, you’ll tire yourself out and break.

I wanted to take the opportunity of this blog to share some learnings I’ve obtained from being a father to my two daughters, inspired by a simple text from my daughter Lucy. I hope these mantras will make your parenting experience a little easier and a little more rewarding.

Biblical Connections:

Being a good parent means having faith in God and faith in your children. The following are some examples from Hannah and Abraham.

 “And she made this vow: “O LORD of Hosts, if You will look upon the suffering of Your maidservant and will remember me and not forget Your maidservant, and if You will grant Your maidservant a male child, I will dedicate him to the LORD for all the days of his life; and no razor shall ever touch his head'” (Samuel 1:11)

Here, we see how Hannah is willing to make any promise to G-d in order to be blessed with a child. Her sacrifice illustrates the immense, innate value of parenthood and the awesome responsibility it entails.