Bar/Bat Mitzvah for Kids

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Below are excerpts from our bar/bat mitzvah blogs intended for your bar/bat mitzvah. Please share these with your bar/bat mitzvah child.

What Does “Bar/Bat Mitzvah” Mean?
“Bar” means “male” and “bat” means “female”. “Mitzvah” means one is responsible for performing the “mitzvot” or “commandments.” After your bar/bat mitzvah you will be seen as an adult, responsible for all of your actions.

When Preparing Your Torah Teaching:
Read the Torah and haftarah portions for the week of your celebration in English (and Hebrew, if possible)?

  • As you read, note any interesting ideas or topics in either (or both) text.
  • Is there one idea or topic especially interesting? Why?
  • How does this subject relate to contemporary life?
  • How does it relate to your life and the experience of becoming a bar or bat mitzvah?
  • Are there other textual or cultural sources (e.g., a movie, painting, poem) on your topic that might help deepen or clarify your thoughts?
  • Choose at least one person with whom you can have an ongoing conversation about your bar/bat mitzvah teaching as you develop your thoughts and writing (over the course of a few months). How often will you check in with them? Who else could be helpful in developing and drafting your presentation?

Elements of your speech (10-12 minutes):

  • Welcome– Greet and thank all those present and those with you in spirit
  • Introduction– What will you be sharing with your community and why?
  • Torah Lesson– What is one key lesson you learned from your studies?
  • Contemporary & Personal Connections– Why does it matter today, to you?
  • Give Thanks– Honor the people who helped you prepare and who helped you grow into a bar/bat mitzvah
  • Enjoy– Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment, knowing you have worked hard and contributed to your community!

When thinking about your mitzvah project:

  • What is one issue or that you care about? Why?
  • What talents or skills do you possess that you can apply to this cause?
  • Who can help you address this issue meaningfully?
  • What are 2-3 goals you want to accomplish through this mitzvah project?

Some things to think about…
How do you envision your bar/bat Mitzvah service and party? How can you relate your Torah portion to your life today? How will you make your bar/bat mitzvah a truly “holy holiday”?

Bar/Bat Mitzvah Fast Facts

The term “bar mitzvah” first appears in the Talmud, the great collection of oral Jewish teaching more than 1,200 years ago?

“B’nai Mitzvah” is the term used when twin boys (or triplets!) celebrate their mitzvah. The term is “B’not Mitzvah” for twin girls (or more!).

The word bar in Aramaic means “son,” and mitzvah means “commandment” in Hebrew. In rabbinic usage, the term bar mitzvah means “a young man subject to Jewish law.”

The bar mitzvah ceremony did not emerge as a full-fledged ritual until the late Middle Ages, with more additions made throughout the modern period.

The first bat mitzvah celebration was 95 years ago and took place in the United States when Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan (1881-1983, founder of Reconstructionist Judaism) called his daughter Judith Kaplan to the Bimah.

DIY Fun

Centerpiece for Charity
Create custom charity centerpieces for your bar/bat mitzvah!

DIY Havdalah Candle
Easy and elegant! Classic braided Havdalah candle for your bar/bat mitzvah blessing.

Personalized Hebrew Name Plate
Fun bar/bat mitzvah project! Rustic stenciled Hebrew name plates!

Personalized Kiddush Cup
Fun-to-make DIY Kiddush cup to help commemorate your special occasion.

Shibori Challah Cover
Twist & Shibori! Make a beautiful Japanese dyed Shabbat challah cover.

Apple Votives
Add some ambiance to your bar/bat mitzvah tables with these DIY Apple Votives.

How to Have the Bar/Bat Mitzvah You Want

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What really matters?

Andy discusses the addition of the new bar/bat mitzvah category on BreakingMatzo.com with JewishBoston.com, a premier, online magazine, with suggestions on making this Jewish milestone more personal and reflective of the bar/bat mitzvah child.

See the full article here.

Our Children Will be Teachers of Torah

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How do you inspire your child to inspire us all? Your child will teach our community.

One of the most important aspects of the bar/bat mitzvah experience is providing a young person with the opportunity to study and teach Torah. “Torah” literally refers to the Five Books of Moses or the Pentateuch, but more broadly to the great storehouse of Jewish wisdom—ancient, medieval and modern. Judaism is a culture animated by the study of and creative interpretation of Torah; a rich textual tradition replete with stories, ethical maxims, prayers, laws, poetry, and humor. The text of the Hebrew Bible is itself thousands of years old and generations of Jews have continuously read and discussed its meaning in their lives.

In initiating a bar or bat mitzvah into Jewish adulthood, part of the goal is to help the young person discover the spiritual, moral, and existential resources available to them through the study of Torah. Further, we wish to articulate to our children that their voices matter — that their insights and interpretations can be beneficial, even transformative, to others. We seek to instill in our kids the understanding that they are both inheritors and innovators of Jewish life and thought. This sensibility is, in fact, a part of many Jewish observances that include elements designed to engage and empower Jewish children and young people. One well-known example is the Passover Seder, at which it is customary for the youngest child to ask the Four Questions.

One way to communicate this sacred idea at the bar/bat mitzvah ceremony is to provide the honoree the opportunity to offer a Torah teaching. This is often a central part of synagogue training programs or the work of a private tutor. Below are two brief lists of suggestions for how a bar/bat mitzvah can prepare his/her teaching and how s/he might present the teaching. We recommend you review these lists with your child or student and others involved in the preparation process. Remember, these are suggestions, not hard-and-fast rules:

Please share this with your bar/bat mitzvah child:
When preparing your Torah teaching:

  • Read the Torah and haftarah portions for the week of your celebration in English (and Hebrew, if possible)?
  • As you read, note any interesting ideas or topics in either (or both) text.
  • Is there one idea or topic especially interesting? Why?
  • How does this subject relate to contemporary life?
  • How does it relate to your life and the experience of becoming a bar or bat mitzvah?
  • Are there other textual or cultural sources (e.g., a movie, painting, poem) on your topic that might help deepen or clarify your thoughts?
  • Choose at least one person with whom you can have an ongoing conversation about your bar/bat mitzvah teaching as you develop your thoughts and writing (over the course of a few months). How often will you check in with them? Who else could be helpful in developing and drafting your presentation?

For more information on preparing a meaningful bar/bat mitzvah teaching — including alternatives to a speech — see Rabbi Goldie Milgram.

Elements of your speech (10-12 minutes):

  • Welcome – Greet and thank all those present and those with you in spirit
  • Introduction – What will you be sharing with your community and why?
  • Torah Lesson – What is one key lesson you learned from your studies?
  • Contemporary & Personal Connections – Why does it matter today, to you?
  • Give Thanks – Honor the people who helped you prepare and who helped you grow into a bar/bat mitzvah
  • Enjoy – Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment, knowing you have worked hard and contributed to your community!

Thank you Rabbi Or Rose for your help and insight on this article!

We’re sharing Lucy and Caroline’s (Andy’s daughters) speeches here as examples:

Caroline’s Bat Mitzvah speech
Lucy’s Bat Mitzvah speech

 

Ordinary to Extraordinary Lives: Tom Kremer

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On June 24, 2017, we were saddened to add another obituary to our list of extraordinary leaders in the Jewish community. Tom Kremer survived the Holocaust and went on to busy the hands and brains of generations with the famous Rubik’s Cube.

Tom was born in 1930 in Transylvania to Bernard and Lilli Kremer. At the age of 13, Tom and his family were sent to the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp. They later escaped to Switzerland, emigrating to Palestine in 1945. He fought in Israel’s War of Independence and later moved to the United Kingdom to study philosophy at Edinburgh University.

In the early 1960s he established Seven Towns, a toy and game invention company. The company introduced more than 350 toys and games including Junior Monopoly and the Weebles. He spotted the now famous Rubik’s Cube at an International Toy Fair in 1979, then known as the Magic Cube. He licensed the toy design to the Ideal Toy Company in 1980 and within 3 years more than 200 million had been sold.

Mr. Kremer went on to establish a publishing firm, Notting Hill Editions in 2011 to revive the public’s interest in the written essay.

You can read Mr. Kremer’s full obituary here.

 

 

Can You Discover the Pot of Gold Behind the Rainbow?

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Although rainbows are so beautiful, I wondered if they are real? I realized that when you get up close, rainbows are merely mist and moisture. They are illusions. They look beautiful and seem real but they are actually just light refracting on mist.

On a recent flight to Nantucket, our small Cape Air commuter plane flew directly through a group of clouds. From a distance clouds may seem ominous. However, similar to rainbows, when you get near, they are also merely mist and moisture. Seeing rainbows and clouds can create such different feelings from afar, however up close they are really the same.

Then the plane burst through the clouds and I saw the clear blue sky. I then realized the blue sky is always there. It is just the variability of the weather that obstructs the view of the clear blue sky. Weather changes. The clear blue sky just is. It is only a matter of time and perspective for you to truly see it. Weather or not, we are always at home.

Rainbows and clouds obscure the view of the clear blue sky. However, the clear blue sky is always present. Similarly, in Exodus 20:3, God states that “you will have no other gods on my face” (the Hebrew word “al panai” means “on my face”.) Thus, nothing should obscure one’s view of the clear blue sky or faith in God. Faith in God is the ultimate pot of gold behind each rainbow.

The vision of the clear blue sky being obstructed by the variability of the weather made me realize that although I may be sad or happy now, I have been happy and sad before. Our emotions are temporary. Our feelings and thoughts come and go based on our current circumstances. However, our souls are forever. If you can truly reflect on whom you really are and have faith in the clear blue sky, you can separate your ultimate happiness from the temporary state of your current feelings and thoughts.

I have long held a hiking mantra which a friend told me “Present moment, Only moment”. Chanting it has really helped me over the years deal with various life events and challenges. However, I recently recognized the subtle but powerful addition of the article “a” to the phrase – “Present moment, Only A moment”. I now understood that whatever challenges we may currently face, they are only temporary.

Our faith in God, belief in ourselves and recognition of our soul is the ultimate pot of gold behind each and every rainbow.

Reflections Between Passover and Shavuot: What can you learn from wandering in the wilderness for 40 years (or 40 days)?

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“Trying to do nothing may lead you to something very special.”

In this period between Passover and Shavuot, the Israelites wandered in the Wilderness. They had left their slavery in Egypt but had not yet received the Torah and reached the Promised Land. The tradition of Counting the Omer – the 49 days between Passover and Shavuot – is a period of continued reflections and learning. I wanted to share my recent life learning about handling adversity.

I used to try to do everything. Now I try to do nothing. This is my story of transformation.

My friends and family would not call me a Type A. They would call me a Type AAA+++! There was rarely a challenge that I didn’t take on. There was rarely a request (perceived or actual) from a friend or family member that I didn’t follow up on immediately. I managed three companies, was active with my children, worked out nearly every day, cooked most of our family meals, traveled around the world constantly, entertained frequently and never ever slowed down. I really didn’t know what the word “relax” meant!

I was so happy. Or so I thought.

Quite abruptly, the universe forced me to experience a radical transformation. In January (two weeks after my 49th birthday!), I tore my Achilles tendon and had reconstructive surgery. Given that this was a repeat rupture and extra serious injury, my doctor placed me on a 40-day bedrest. 40 days in bed! I realized that this number 40 was biblical – Israelites wandering in the wilderness, Noah’s Flood, Moses on Mount Sinai, etc. I was completely restricted to my bedroom for 40 days and totally incapable of showering, preparing my meals or any basic skills on my own because of my cast and crutches.

My friend told me to find a blessing in this journey. I wondered what could I learn?

I initially tried to use my Type AAA+++ skills to “solve” my new problem. Very quickly, I realized that my old way simply would not work. I had to make radical changes. I had no choice. My first realization was that I was not able to really work. I couldn’t travel, I was on painkillers and sitting on the phone and trying to juggle a laptop didn’t really work for me. I asked my team to handle my business while I was out. They immediately rose to the challenge – happily and capably. I felt gratitude for this important blessing. I also had to remove myself from our family activities. I usually drove the kids and did all of the evening cooking. I no longer could. My family simply did without me. Personally, I would usually workout every day and play a lot of squash. This was obviously no longer an option. I simply gave up all of my activities. I did not watch any TV or movies. Instead I simply read, I wrote in my journal and I meditated each day. I did so very little but felt so fully satisfied at the end of each day. I truly lived in my life’s newly discovered pause.

This period of bedrest helped me realize some very important lessons. I realized that my company team members really valued the opportunity for increased autonomy and independence. My family also benefitted from my life pause. When I tried to do everything, I did not allow others to find their own path. I not only frustrated myself by over burdening my schedule, I also frustrated others by impeding their ability to grow and develop.

When I changed to trying to do nothing, I was happy to be less burdened and enjoyed more creative space. In reality, I didn’t actually do nothing, I ended up doing something. By carefully selecting only certain “somethings,” I ended up doing only what I truly felt were the most important projects.

With my family, my favorite moments were my daily dessert with my younger daughter. Instead of me always preparing meals for everyone else, each day Lucy would bring me a delicious dessert: a simple apple for me and a package of pomegranate seeds for herself. We thoughtfully ate our fruit together each night and I listened intently to her thoughts and her reflections on her school day. I never felt more fully fulfilled from a meal.

Trying to do nothing prevented me from trying to do everything and the result is that I only did the most important “something” and experienced true inner fulfillment.

During this bedrest, I learned how to leave the “old Andy” of “Trying to do everything” to experience the new rhythm of life of simply being in the moment. Just as the Israelites first experienced Shabbat during their wandering in the wilderness after they left Slavery. I feel like I experienced an extended Shabbat for the first time. I experienced time without judgment or expectation – just being fully present with myself – resting, healing, reflecting with God and being with my daughter.

Many of us may experience an external catalyst that forces us to change. Many of us will attempt to resist or fight the current of change. Ultimately, some of us relent and adapt and learn. Our most important challenge is to sustain this newly revealed lesson in our daily lives when the external catalyst is no longer present. That will be our true challenge and opportunity. Imagine the possibilities!

 

What Is a Crisis?

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What is a crisis? How can you stay calm in the face of uncertainty?

A crisis is a state of mind, it is not a state of being. A crisis is imagining a set of potential circumstances and potential outcomes. In many cases, the outcomes don’t even happen. The worry, anxiety, and fear are real. These are destructive and debilitating feelings in the present about possible future scenarios. I have learned the value of slowing down, and stopping to breathe.

In Jonah 1, the sailors on the ship Jonah boarded panicked in the face of a turbulent ocean storm.  After stopping and asking some questions, they then prayed to God and maintained their faith. They calmed themselves down in the midst of the storm. They complied with Jonah’s request to throw him overboard. Then the storm calmed down as well.

I am amazed at how slowing down puts events in perspective. The crisis can be averted. The uncertainty may remain, but the negative energy doesn’t capture our bodies and encapsulate our minds.

When I face uncertainty, I find that remaining calm, meditating, and breathing enables me to live with the questions.  I feel I can live with the uncertainty. I feel calmer, centered, and peaceful.

There are three periods of anxiety. The Past; the Present; and the Future. It is so important to digest the past and free yourself from the potentially paralyzing narrative from your past which may impede your ability to process the present. There are three moments in the present and the future. The future moment which contains two possible scenarios – one with the unwanted outcome and the second with the desired outcome. If you create stress through your anxiety in the present moment, then your present moment and one of the two future scenarios are negative. If you are able to relax and remain calm in the face of the uncertainty, then your present moment will be more peaceful and one of your future scenarios as well. As a result, two of the three moments will be positive.

Jonah’s boat rode the storm waves up and down. Nevertheless the sailors were able to stay calm.

Can you have faith in God that your uncertain future will unfold and trust yourself to remain calm in the present moment?

How One Small Bite is More Than Enough to Fill Your Stomach and Feed Your Soul

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When was the last time that you truly savored food? In our hectic lives, I often find myself speedily eating large, quick bites, and not fully connecting with my dining companions. I recently had an experience of truly pausing to enjoy and savor my food with the company of my daughter, Lucy. I hope that this short blog inspires others to really slow down and truly enjoy precious food and life moments. Some refer to this as mindfulness – a chance to be fully present in time without judgment or expectation.

“In 2017, Lucy and I visited California over spring break. On our last evening, we had dinner at Plant Food + Wine restaurant, which has an entirely vegan menu. We really talked and connected during our dinner, discussing many topics openly and with great authenticity. Given that Lucy was in 11th grade, many of our dinners back home are rushed and squeezed in between homework and various after school activities, and often I have work and various other projects on my mind. This dinner was truly special and different. I really listened to Lucy so carefully and free of distraction. I really experienced free association listening.

For dessert, we ordered the coconut cream pie. We were intrigued how this dessert could be prepared in a vegan and gluten free manner. When it arrived, I asked for a fork and knife. The piece of pie looked so beautiful. I carefully cut a perfect bite sized piece. I ate it so slowly and savored all of the flavors. I barely chewed – savored and tasted. When Lucy took her bite, she did the same thing. In only one bite, she savored and tasted so slowly and thoroughly. We actually did not eat another bite. We found that one bite was enough.

 Later that evening when we got back to our rooms at our hotel, Lucy sent me a text, “Thank you for being honest and open with me tonight. I really appreciate it and it only makes me have more respect for you. I’m sorry I’m annoying sometimes. I love you Dad.”

One small bite fully experienced and fully savored can be more than enough to fill your stomach and feed your soul.

Simple & Sweet: Andy’s Reflections on Bar/Bat Mitzvah Celebrations

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As members of the Breaking Matzo community know, I have a great love for Jewish ritual experiences, particularly those that involve family and friends. These moments, whether marking a lifecycle event or a holiday, have the potential to inspire and guide us long after they are over. As I reflect on the meaning of bar/bat mitzvah in my life, four snapshots appear in my mind’s eye; each carries a distinct lesson that has remained important to me throughout the years:

I. A Garage Bar Mitzvah – Simplicity & Sweetness
My bar mitzvah celebration took place on March 21, 1981 in Allentown, Pennsylvania. We did not meet in a synagogue, school, or hotel, but in my family’s two-car garage! I vividly remember my mom and dad moving our cars onto the street and sweeping and decorating our garage. My friends and I celebrated in our basement. It was so simple and so sweet. I have been to many beautiful (and much more lavish) bar/bat mitzvah celebrations since that time, but when I think of our garage bar mitzvah, it reminds me of what is most important about these festivities: family, friends, and the celebration of life.

II. Alex’s Bar Mitzvah – Creating Personal Meaning
Unlike my bar mitzvah celebration, my parents held my younger brother’s service and party at the Allentown Hilton. What most impressed me was not the hotel lobby or grand ballroom, but the special, personalized service my parents and Alex crafted together. While they followed the traditional framework of the Shabbat morning service, they also included readings and songs that made it more personally meaningful. It was my first realization that Judaism can be enacted flexibly and that each of us brings something unique to this amazing unfolding tradition.

III. Passing the Torah to My Daughters: From Generation to Generation
I will never forget Caroline and Lucy’s bat mitzvah celebrations. These were two of the proudest days of my life. I still remember standing on the bimah (front platform of the synagogue), passing the Torah to each of them—symbolically handing the tradition to them, just as my parents handed it to me — and then listening to them chant from the scroll and share their thoughts on the Torah portion. It was so powerful to see my little girls with hair bows and child play, emerge as young women with thoughtful ideas and perspectives.

IV. Capturing Memories – Visual Touchstones
This memory actually blends two experiences from my youth and adulthood: I have always been a visual person. In fact, I used my bar mitzvah money—all 350 dollars—to buy my first painting (created by my mom’s artist friend). It is this same artistic sensibility that led me to prepare montages for countless family celebrations. For my daughters’ bat mitzvahs, my goal was to capture images from each of their 13 years in 13 minutes! I spent an enormous time preparing each of these photographic presentations, and loved every moment of the process. It was deeply gratifying to witness the joy it brought to the girls and our family and friends. I have watched the montages many times as a way of remembering these special events and the people I love.

Viewing Photo Montage

Left to right: Rachael (Lucy and Caroline’s mom), Andy, Lucy, and Caroline (Andy’s daughters) enjoy the photo montage Andy created.

What do you remember most when you close your eyes and reflect on your bar/bat mitzvah experiences or other life cycle rituals? What are the lessons you carry with you from these sacred moments in time?

Bar/Bat Mitzvah Parties — Remembering What Matters Most

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How can you plan a fun AND meaningful bar/bat mitzvah celebration?

Far too many people plan “over-the-top” bar and bat mitzvah parties. For a hilarious, but searing critique of this phenomenon, we encourage you to watch the movie Keeping Up with the Steins — a modern classic. As the title suggests, we can all get lost in trying to “keep up” with or impress others, even while marking a sacred occasion.

In thinking about this temptation and the sad reality of the competitive bar/bat mitzvah culture, we’re sharing an excerpt (edited) from Caroline Goldfarb’s (Andy’s daughter) bat mitzvah teaching in which she spoke of the importance of balancing the “holy day” and “holiday” aspects of this rite of passage:

The way you decide to spend your bar or bat mitzvah day determines whether it is a holiday or a holy day. Notice how close these two words are. A holiday belongs to us; it’s about what we want, when we want it, and how we will do it. It’s about having fun, without necessarily thinking about why we are celebrating. A holy day belongs to God, and it requires us to reflect on the meaning of our lives… Any special occasion can be either a holiday or a holy day… In thinking honestly about my own bat mitzvah experience today, I would say that I have landed somewhere in the middle along the continuum. Of course, I do care about my dress and the party, but I also care a lot about the service I am helping to lead and my growth as a Jewish person. I like to think of my bat mitzvah experience as a person holding two weights: one symbolizing the party and one symbolizing the service. I need to be strong and balanced to hold both. I am trying to make this day a “holy holiday.”

Andy & daughter, Caroline dance

Andy & Caroline (Andy’s daughter) celebrate her Bat Mitzvah, May 9, 2009.

We realize it is a struggle to achieve the kind of balance Caroline spoke of at her bat mitzvah. It is important that we mark the seasons of the year and of our lives thoughtfully and joyously. That is the animating spirit of Breaking Matzo: making these occurrences “magical, meaningful, and memorable”! Given the unfortunate tendency in today’s culture to tip the scales towards big, expensive, and flashy bar/bat mitzvah parties, it is important to remember what we are celebrating and why we are doing so. Keeping these things in mind, experiencing “holy holidays” is possible…Just imagine!

Please share this with your bar/bat mitzvah child…
How do you envision your bar/bat Mitzvah service and party? How can you relate your Torah portion to your life today? How will you make your bar/bat mitzvah a truly “holy holiday”?