How do you inspire your child to inspire us all? Your child will teach our community.

Your child can email their Torah portion and bar/bat mitzvah speech to family, friends, and loved one. This allows them to share their thoughts on the Torah’s wisdom, even during periods of social isolation.

One of the most important aspects of the bar/bat mitzvah experience is providing a young person with the opportunity to study and teach Torah. “Torah” literally refers to the Five Books of Moses or the Pentateuch, but more broadly to the great storehouse of Jewish wisdom—ancient, medieval and modern. Judaism is a culture animated by the study of and creative interpretation of Torah; a rich textual tradition replete with stories, ethical maxims, prayers, laws, poetry, and humor. The text of the Hebrew Bible is itself thousands of years old and generations of Jews have continuously read and discussed its meaning in their lives.

In initiating a bar or bat mitzvah into Jewish adulthood, part of the goal is to help the young person discover the spiritual, moral, and existential resources available to them through the study of Torah. Further, we wish to articulate to our children that their voices matter — that their insights and interpretations can be beneficial, even transformative, to others. We seek to instill in our kids the understanding that they are both inheritors and innovators of Jewish life and thought. This sensibility is, in fact, a part of many Jewish observances that include elements designed to engage and empower Jewish children and young people. One well-known example is the Passover Seder, at which it is customary for the youngest child to ask the Four Questions.

One way to communicate this sacred idea at the bar/bat mitzvah ceremony is to provide the honoree the opportunity to offer a Torah teaching. This is often a central part of synagogue training programs or the work of a private tutor. Below are two brief lists of suggestions for how a bar/bat mitzvah can prepare his/her teaching and how s/he might present the teaching. We recommend you review these lists with your child or student and others involved in the preparation process. Remember, these are suggestions, not hard-and-fast rules:

Please share this with your bar/bat mitzvah child:
When preparing your Torah teaching:

• Read the Torah and haftarah portions for the week of your celebration in English (and Hebrew, if possible)?
• As you read, note any interesting ideas or topics in either (or both) text.
• Is there one idea or topic especially interesting? Why?
• How does this subject relate to contemporary life?
• How does it relate to your life and the experience of becoming a bar or bat mitzvah?
• Are there other textual or cultural sources (e.g., a movie, painting, poem) on your topic that might help deepen or clarify your thoughts?
• Choose at least one person with whom you can have an ongoing conversation about your bar/bat mitzvah teaching as you develop your thoughts and writing (over the course of a few months). How often will you check in with them? Who else could be helpful in developing and drafting your presentation?

For more information on preparing a meaningful bar/bat mitzvah teaching — including alternatives to a speech — see Rabbi Goldie Milgram.

Elements of your speech (10-12 minutes):

• Welcome – Greet and thank all those present and those with you in spirit
• Introduction – What will you be sharing with your community and why?
• Torah Lesson – What is one key lesson you learned from your studies?
• Contemporary & Personal Connections – Why does it matter today, to you?
• Give Thanks – Honor the people who helped you prepare and who helped you grow into a bar/bat mitzvah
• Enjoy – Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment, knowing you have worked hard and contributed to your community!

Thank you Rabbi Or Rose for your help and insight on this article!

We’re sharing Lucy and Caroline’s (Andy’s daughters) speeches here as examples:

Caroline’s Bat Mitzvah speech
Lucy’s Bat Mitzvah speech

What social action projects has your child planned or done? What might inspire them to act to help heal the world?

In times of crisis and social isolation, works of charity and community are more important than ever. Over the last 20 years or so, it has become common for bar and bat mitzvah tweens to engage in a social or environmental action project as part of their learning experience. In fact, many synagogues require young folks to do so as part of the preparation for the bar/bat mitzvah celebrations.

Reflecting on the benefits of such projects, the writer Marjorie Ingall comments:

The intent is lovely: Teach kids about the responsibilities of Jewish adulthood, encourage the values of tikkun olam (healing/mending the world) and giving back, raise funds for good causes, and be so awesome that you don’t even need Ne-Yo in your bar mitzvah video (“Doing Mitzvah Projects Right,” Tablet Magazine, 3/13/2013).

But as Ingall points out, it is crucial for parents and educators to work closely with young people when choosing and crafting these projects (moving from “intent” to “execution” ).

Please share this with your bar/bat mitzvah child:
When thinking about your mitzvah project:
(based on the work of Naomi Eisenberger and the Ziv Tzedakah Fund):

• What is one issue or that you care about? Why?
• What talents or skills do you possess that you can apply to this cause?
• Who can help you address this issue meaningfully?
• What are 2-3 goals you want to accomplish through this mitzvah project?

In writing about the challenges and opportunities of the mitzvah project, Ingall adds the following points for our consideration:

• Encourage your child or student to use the year preparing for their Bar/Bat Mitzvah AND committing to their mitzvah project. How can s/he make this happen?
• If your bar/bat mitzvah is working with an organization, have him/her speak to representatives to understand how it works and how to be most helpful.
• Explore how this project relates to key values and teachings from Judaism and other sources of wisdom.

As the great Jewish theologian and activist, Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel stated repeatedly, “To be is to stand for.” As our tweens prepare to enter Jewish adulthood, taking on a mitzvah project can help them determine what they “stand for” and how to make a difference in the world.

How do you have a bar/bat mitzvah when you’re not supposed to leave the house?

A bar/bat mitzvah is a magical, meaningful, and memorable moment in a young Jew’s life. Beyond that, the entire family and community get to celebrate this traditional coming of age rite. Unfortunately, sometimes circumstance prevents us from gathering to celebrate this once in a lifetime occasion. Here are some resources that can help you and your family navigate this important milestone during times when you can’t all be together.

I have compiled my own thoughts on how to have a simple and sweet bar/bat mitzvah during a quarantine or similar event. The key to a great bar/bat mitzvah is that it stimulates the mind, touches the heart with the Torah, and uplifts the soul. You can read more about how to do so here.

Kveller has made a step-by-step how-to guide for throwing a virtual bar or bat mitzvah party. It walks you through technology suggestions, who to invite, music choices, how to incorporate rituals and more. You can find their guide here.

A 13-year-old in Manhattan had one of the first virtual bar mitzvahs. He was able to borrow a neighbor’s private Torah and had nearly 250 people attend via Zoom. His story is an interesting one that can help provide a template for others to throw their own remote bar/bat mitzvah. You can read about this story here and here, this article contains a firsthand recounting of the event.

Baltimore Magazine has a humorous and insightful story of a family throwing a virtual bar mitzvah. Not only is it an entertaining read, but it is chock full of useful information for throwing your own. You can find it here.