A Brief Guide to Jewish Mourning: Honoring Our Loves Ones & Life

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According to Jewish tradition, one observes mourning rituals for the following relatives: father, mother, sister, brother, son, daughter, and spouse. One may choose to observe some or all of the rituals for other loved ones as well.

 

I. Aninut – Standing In-Between: From Death to the Funeral & Burial

Upon hearing of the death of a person it is customary to say, Barukh Dayan Ha-Emet, “Blessed in the True Judge.” This is also the time when one may tear his/her clothing (k’riah) as a sign of grief for the loss of a relative. While an onen (literally one “standing in-between”), a person’s focus should be on preparing for the funeral, including being in touch with a local funeral home, rabbi, or synagogue professional. The funeral home will usually arrange for shomrim (people to watch over the body) until the burial. The body will also be ritually washed (taharah) and wrapped in white shrouds by members of the sacred burial society (chevra kaddisha). Care for a deceased person is called hesed shel emet, “true kindness,” as it can never be repaid by the individual who has passed away.

II. Levayah – Accompanying the Deceased: The Funeral & Burial

The levayah (literally “accompaniment”) should ideally occur as soon after the death as possible, allowing for family to travel and other logistical considerations. Ask a rabbi for help in planning the service, whether graveside or in a synagogue or funeral parlor. The liturgy for a Jewish funeral service is usually brief and includes the recitation of appropriate psalms, the memorial prayer known as El Mali Rahamim (“God Full of Compassion”), a eulogy (hesped), and the special Mourner’s Kaddish. It is considered a mitzvah (sacred deed) to participate in shoveling some dirt on the coffin after it is placed in the grave so that the deceased person is laid to rest by family and friends. Mourners leave the graveside first, and others say to them the traditional words, “May the Omnipresent comfort you among all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.”

III. Shiva – Seven Days of Intense Mourning

Following the burial, the mourner returns home (or to the home where he/she will mourn) for a meal prepared by family and/or close friends. A yahrzeit (remembrance) candle is lit and mirrors are covered, and the mourner sits on a low chair. Throughout the shiva period, one remains home, limiting his or her attention to matters of physical appearance (some people do not bathe, shave, or wear new clothes) or any other distracting tasks, focusing instead on remembering the deceased person and mourning their loss. Visits, prayer services, and meals are arranged in the mourner’s home by family, friends, and community members. If one is a part of a synagogue or minyanim (prayer groups), there are often standing committees to help with such matters.

IV.  Ending Shiva – Stepping Back into the World

Shiva customarily ends after the morning prayer service (Shacharit) on the seventh day of mourning. The final act of the shiva period to have one’s family, friends, and rabbi join them for a brief walk around the block. It is the first opportunity for the mourner to begin reentering the world. The concrete act of physically stepping outside, walking around the block, and returning home also communicates that one’s relationship with the house can now be renewed. This represents another step in the journey of aveilut (mourning).

V. Shloshim – 23 More Days of Grief & Return

Recognizing that mourning is an unfolding process, shloshim (literally, 30) is the next stage of grief. This period is designed as a partial reentry into one’s normal routine. People return to work and other responsibilities, but continue to observe some mourning practices. This includes reciting the Mourner’s Kaddish daily for all family members, and avoiding public celebrations. Some people do not cut their hair or shave. It is at the conclusion of the shloshim that one grieving a family member other than a parent officially ends his or her mourning. Some people arrange for the study of Mishnah (early rabbinic teachings) or other sacred materials during this period in honor of the deceased person.

VI.  The Unveiling – Creating a Lasting Memorial

Within the first year after the passing of a loved one, mourners and their family and close friends gather at the gravesite for a brief ceremony called the Unveiling, which includes the uncovering of the headstone (matzeivah). Many people carry out this ritual in the latter part of the year of mourning. As with the funeral, this is an opportunity to eulogize the deceased person and to offer prayers for the repose of their souls. Before leaving the gravesite, it is customary to place rocks or pebbles on the headstone as a symbol of the enduring memory of the deceased person. Whenever leaving a cemetery, it is customary to wash one’s hands as a way of separating life from death.

VII. Yahrzeit—One Year Anniversary of Death

On the anniversary of the death of a loved one, it is customary to light a yahrzeit candle to honor their memory (beginning at nightfall), and to recite the Mourner’s Kaddish at each of the three daily services: Ma’ariv (Night), Schacharit (Morning), and Minchah (Afternoon). There are four occasions during the year when one can also recite the Mourner’s Kaddish in synagogue as part of the Yizkor (Remembrance) service: Passover, Shavuot, Shemini Atzeret, and Yom Kippur. It is common for synagogues to light the nameplate of the departed person on their yahtzeit, and of all of their deceased members on days when Yizkor is recited.

Additional Resources:

Origami Apples

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Let’s get to the core of it. Decorating your succah will be a lot more fun if you add these colorful Origami Apples! They’re easy to make and fun for the whole family. Just watch the video below and follow along.

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We display our Origami Apples in a bowl in our traditional succah!

 

All you’ll need are a few pieces of 9” x 9” or 9.75” square paper in a colorful “apple palette.” Have fun blowing up these magical inflatable apples. Add your very own touch of nature for the apple step – collect twigs or leaves that have fallen to the ground and pop on top of your apple for a lifelike effect.

These would look fabulous hung in your succah to enjoy the harvest or string lights in each opening to create a lovely lit design. Either way the ideas are endless. Just use your imagination!

Resources:
Origami Paper

 

Apple Votives

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Add some ambiance inside your succah, to your bar/bat mitzvah tables, or any room in the house with these DIY Apple Votives.

With all the hundreds of different heirloom apples ripe for the picking in the fall, you can create an array of colorful votives. Follow the steps or watch the video below to learn how.

When you shop for your apples, choose ones that will sit flat on a table on its bottom. Any color or size is fine so let your creativity run wild. Take caution should you use real candles. You can purchase LED lights that work just like the real thing!

Materials

  • Dozen Apples
  • Permanent Marker
  • Tea Lights or LED Lights
  • Matches

Step 1:  Trace a tea light on top of apple with a permanent marker

Apple Votives Step 1

Step 2:  Use a sharp paring knife to carve out the circle just deep enough to fit either a tea light or led light. Make sure hole is deep enough to fit in tea light. Use the tea light to push into the center of the apple while carving. Prevent oxidation by dipping your cut apples in lemon juice or sprinkling them lightly with salt. This will prevent them from browning.

Apple Votives Step 2
Step 3:  Slide tea light or led inside for a beautiful addition to your table

Apple Votives Step 3

What is Succot?

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Succot is the Festival of Booths. It takes place in the Fall just four days after Yom Kippur. It is a seven-day holiday (eight days outside the Land of Israel), a time for communal celebration following the intensity of the High Holy Days and is a celebration of the harvest.

There are two traditional explanations to the origins of the holiday of Succot: the first is that the Israelites dwelt in succot after the Exodus from Egypt (Leviticus 23:42-43). According to one rabbinic sage, the wilderness succot (plural of succah) were not physical tents, but “Clouds of Glory” (Babylonian Talmud, Berachot 54b), special clouds God provided for the people to guide and protect them during their 40 years of wilderness wandering (see Exodus 13:21).

The second explanation for Succot is that once our ancestors arrived in the Land of Israel and lived an agricultural lifestyle, farmers built succot while gathering up their produce during the harvest season to maximize their productivity (Exodus 34:22). In fact, one of the names for the holiday is “The Festival of Ingathering.”

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In either case, Succot is a time for celebration and is referred to as “The Season of our Joy.” It is an occasion to give thanks for the bounty of life. Dwelling in a succah is also a sign of trust: even as the winter approaches, we trust that God will provide for us throughout the cold and dark months ahead. We sit in our makeshift booths, aware of our vulnerability, as an expression of our faith.

Most Jewish holidays celebrate God’s miraculous intervention at specific moments in ancient Jewish history. For example, on Passover we recall how God freed from slavery in Egypt the Israelites with the Ten Plagues and the Splitting of the Sea of Reeds. And on Hanukkah, we remember God’s support of Judah and his fellow Maccabees against the Syrian-Greek army, and the miraculous jug of oil the Maccabees discovered when they recaptured the Temple in Jerusalem. Succot, however, is a celebration of God’s ongoing presence in the lives of our ancestors and in our lives today.

Further, while most Jewish holidays have agriculture roots, they are more widely known for their connections to their historical narratives. Shavuot (The Festival of Weeks), for example, was originally a celebration of the first fruits of the late spring harvest Succot, however, has maintained a strong connection to the earth because of the central symbols of the holiday: the succah (temporary booth), and the lulav (palm branch, myrtle, and willows) and etrog (citron). This fall holiday offers us the opportunity to reflect on the blessings of the natural world and our place in it.

Succot is immediately followed by the holidays of Sh’mini Atzeret and Simchat Torah. The former is designated as an additional day of “holy assembly,” while the latter is a celebration (simchah = joy) of the completion of the annual cycle of Torah readings (Genesis through Deuteronomy).

 

Apple Stamping

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Hand stamping canvas bags is a perfect way to celebrate the Jewish New Year during Rosh Hashanah!

Take a trip to your local farm and make sure to pick plenty of apples to dip (with honey) and save a few apples for dipping (in paint)! Any shape or size will do. Follow the steps or watch the video below to learn how.

Materials:
Canvas Bag
Knife
Fabric Paint (yellow, red, green, brown, black)
Paint Brush
Paper Plate
Paper Towel

How To:

Step 1: Cut apple in half lengthwise and let each side dry out on paper towel or cheesecloth for about an hour. Slide a piece of newpaper or cardboard in bag to prevent paint from bleeding to back of bag. Canvas bags can be purchased online or at your local craft store.

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Step 2:  Paint flat side of apple with fabric paint. Repeat with as many colors as you like.

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Step 3:  Stamp apple firmly on the bag and create your own fun pattern.

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Step 4:  Use a thin paintbrush to draw apple stem with brown paint.

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Step 5:  Dip Thumb into green paint and stamp the ”leaves” with your thumb on the stem.

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Step 6:  Use pinky finger to make seeds by dipping into brown or black paint and stamping onto bag. Make sure to dry overnight in a sunny spot and you are ready to have a perfect bag to hold your apples just in time for Rosh Hashanah!

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Try with Lemons to mimic an etrog!!

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What is a Succah? What is the meaning of the Succah?

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“You shall live in booths seven days; all citizens in Israel shall live in booths. In order that future generations may know that I made the Israelite people live in booths when I brought them out of the land of Egypt, I the Lord your God” (Leviticus 23:42-43).

A succah is a temporary structure that we create for the holiday (Succot is the plural form of succah).

According to Jewish law it must have three walls (made of any material) and an open roof that provides shade, but through which one can see the stars at night (made from materials that grow from the earth). It is a simple structure that allows us to commune with nature and the elements. If possible, a succah is set up near one’s home (on a patio, deck, or in a yard). The juxtaposition of the strength and solidity of a house with the temporary and ethereal nature of the succah helps us appreciate the many blessings in our lives.

One can think of the succah as either a “succah of the wilderness” or as a “succah of abundance” based on the two different stories of its origins. The first image reflects the tradition that the Israelites first dwelled in succot (huts or tents) as they travelled through the desert from Egypt to the Land of Israel. The second image reflects the tradition that the Israelites originally built succot after they entered the Promised Land, using booths or huts as temporary dwellings during the harvest season as they worked long days to gather their produce.

One way to combine these images is to say that as we sit in our succot this fall, we express our gratitude for the blessings of today—the “abundance” of our current lives—while recognizing the times when we were wandering in the “wilderness” and in need of the guidance and support of others.

Interestingly, when Boston Red Sox slugger, David Ortiz, hits a home run, he always touches home plate and then looks to the sky in memory of his departed mother. It is Big Papi’s way of connecting the current blessing of the homerun with the memory of his late mom.

The Meaning of the Lulav and Etrog

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by Myra Outwater (of blessed memory), Judaica (1999)

Like most Jewish ceremonial items, the lulav (palm branch, myrtle, and willows) and the etrog (citron) have philosophical meanings. The ancient rabbis spent many hours discussing and trying to interpret the words and meanings of each law. And through the centuries, they have handed down various interpretations of the symbolism of the lulav and the etrog.

 

etrog_lulav

One popular rabbinic teaching is that the four components of the lulav and the etrog, which are called in Hebrew the arba minim, symbolize the human condition and one’s relationship with God. The etrog is shaped like the heart, and the lulav like the spine. The myrtle leaves are shaped like the eyes, and the willow leaves like the lips. Together, these four elements show that one should serve God with his or her heart, spine or body, eyes and lips.

There is another symbolic layer of meaning related to the etrog and lulav and two forms of Jewish sacred action: study and good deeds. The etrog, which has a good taste and a good smell, is like those who know the Torah and do good deeds. While the lulav which has a good taste, but no smell, is like a person with knowledge, but who does no good deeds. The myrtle, which has a good smell and no taste, is like a simple person who has no knowledge and learning, but is innately kind and caring. Lowest on the rung of human values is the willow, which has neither taste nor fragrance, and symbolizes those people with no interest in gaining knowledge and no innate sense of responsibility towards others and no feeling of the need to help others.

Each day during Succot, blessings are recited over the etrog and the lulav. The etrog is held in the left hand the lulav in the right hand. Then the lulav is shaken in six directions (north, south, east, and west, up and down) to remind us that God is everywhere.

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In order to protect and adorn the ceremonial objects used on Succot, there is a special box used to store the etrog and a case in which to carry the lulav. Since traditional Jews believe that an etrog must be as perfect as possible, the etrog is carried to services in an etrog box in which there is usually a cushion of soft material. Traditional etrog boxes are usually in the shape of the fruit itself. Early etrog boxes were adapted from silver sugar bowls, soap dishes and other silver containers. In the late 19th century many tourists brought back olivewood etrog boxes from the Holy Land. Today, most etrog containers are silver, pewter, ceramic, or olivewood. Many families allow the etrog to wither and save it in the etrog box, using it as a ritual spice during the weekly havdalah (“separation”) ceremony marking the end of the Sabbath. The lulav is usually carried to services in a lulav carrier made of plastic, wood or velvet, which includes the blessing over the etrog and lulav on or in it.

Who Do We Invite to the Succah and Why?

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Since Succot is a time for us to celebrate the blessings in our lives, it is only fitting that we are instructed to share our bounty with others. As it is written in the book of Deuteronomy (16:14):
“And you shall rejoice on your Festival (Succot)—you, and your son, and your daughter, and your manservant, and your maidservant, and the Levite, and the stranger, and the orphan, and the widow, who are within your cities.”

Succot is a time for communal celebration, an occasion to rejoice with family, friends, and even acquaintances for an entire week. For seven days, we eat, drink, and relax in our succot (plural for succah), some people even sleep in their succot during the holiday.

One beautiful mystical tradition on Succot is to invite both earthly and otherworldly guests into our festival booths. In the Zohar, the great work of medieval Jewish mysticism, we learn that on each night of the seven-day holiday, the kabbalists (Jewish mystics) would stand at the threshold of their succot and invite seven great spirits from the Jewish past to join them for the sacred meal.

On the first night, Abraham is said to lead this holy assembly, and on each successive night they are led by Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, Aaron, and David. These figures represent different virtues: love, rigor, harmony, endurance, connectivity, humility, and royalty. Each night, these special guests bless us with these qualities.

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pictured clockwise from upper right: Andy’s mother, Myra Outwater, Andy’s brother Laurence, Andy and childhood friends Mike and Doug

In the last few decades, many people have revived this Jewish mystical tradition known as Ushpizin (meaning “Guests” in Aramaic), adding the foremothers and other great biblical women—Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, Leah, Miriam, Deborah and Ruth—to the list of special guests, as well as other outstanding historical and literary figures whose influence and blessing they seek on Succot.

The Zohar is careful to point out that if one should only invite these supernal guests, and not earthly guests in need of a succot meal, the great spirits will immediately take leave; for the holiday cannot be celebrated mystically without demonstrating earthly hospitality.

So this year, invite as many family members, friends, and acquaintances to your succah as possible. And as you gather with these guests, envision who else might join you for a holiday meal!

What is the Relationship between Succot & Passover?

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“Three times a year all men must appear before the LORD your God at the place he will choose: at the Festival of Unleavened Bread, the Festival of Weeks, and the Festival of Booths. No one should appear before the LORD empty-handed” (Deuteronomy 16:16).

There are three pilgrimage festivals in the Jewish tradition that once required visiting the Temple in Jerusalem. They are called the “Shalosh Regalim” in Hebrew (from the root word regel or “foot”).

The cycle of these holidays begins in spring and ends in autumn. All three holidays are connected as they all have agricultural and historical significance.

These holidays are: Pesach (Passover or the “Festival of Unleavened Bread”), Shavuot (the “Festival of Weeks”), and Succot (the “Festival of Booths”).

  • Passover marks the beginning of the spring and the end of the barley season. It is, of course, also a celebration of the Exodus of the Israelites from slavery in Egypt.
    • Passover is a time for leaving…
  • Shavuot is a celebration of the first fruits of the late spring harvest. It also celebrates the revelation of Torah by God to the Israelites at Mount Sinai.
    • Shavuot is a time for receiving…
  • Succot, as we have learned, celebrates the fall harvest. It also recalls the experience of the Israelites wandering through the desert for 40 years after the exodus from Egypt.
    • Succot is a time for rejoicing…

When the ancient ancestors lived in the land of Israel, they would make a pilgrimage to the Temple in Jerusalem on these three festivals, where they would participate in various rituals in coordination with the services of the priests at the Temple.

Since the time of the destruction of the Second Temple in 70 CE, the actual pilgrimage is no longer considered obligatory and no longer takes place on a national scale. However, during synagogue services throughout the world, related biblical passages describing the holiday being observed are read aloud from the Torah scroll as part of the festival service. In Israel, many people living in or near Jerusalem make an effort to attend prayer services at the Western Wall as a way of following in the footsteps of the ancient pilgrims.

Succot Discussion Questions

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  1. Succot is a time to rejoice and celebrate.
    • What do you want to celebrate in your life?
    • Who would you like to celebrate with?
  2. There are two classical explanations for the holiday of Succot: one is that the Israelites lived in succot while traveling from Egypt to the Promised Land (“succah of wilderness”). The other is that they built temporary huts or booths during the fall harvest season once living in the Land of Israel (“succah of abundance”).
    • What is your “succah of abundance?” What do you have in abundance? How do you express your gratitude?
    • What is your “succah of wilderness?”
    • What do you have that is most precious? Where do you receive support when you feel most vulnerable?

    For Kids:

    • What do you have a lot of? Does it make you happy?
    • What do you have that is most precious? How would that change if you had lot of it?
  3. Succot is a celebration of the Fall harvest.
    • How do you celebrate? Apple picking? Gardening? Harvesting fall vegetables?
  4. The succah is a wonderful opportunity to celebrate with family, friends, neighbors and even new acquaintances.
    • Who would you like to invite into your succah this year?
    • Is there someone in your life that has passed away that you would like to join you in the succah this year?
    • Is there an historical or literary figure you would like to invite into the succah? Why?
  5. If possible, take the time to eat at least one meal with your family or friends in the succah this year. If you cannot sit in a succah, try a park or another beautiful outdoor space.
    • How is this different from your usual meals?
    • How does it feel eating a meal in the succah (or outdoors)?
  6. Succot marks the transition from fall to winter as we celebrate the autumn harvest.
    • How are you preparing for winter?
    • What do you enjoy most about the fall?
  7. As part of our Succot celebration, we hold the lulav and etrog in our hands and shake them in 6 directions: north, south, east, west, up, down, to signify the divine presence that infuses all of life.
    • Have you ever experienced God or the Divine Spirit in your life?
    • Is there a particular place where you feel a sense of connection with life as a whole?