What Is a Crisis?

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What is a crisis? How can you stay calm in the face of uncertainty?

A crisis is a state of mind, it is not a state of being. A crisis is imagining a set of potential circumstances and potential outcomes. In many cases, the outcomes don’t even happen. The worry, anxiety, and fear are real. These are destructive and debilitating feelings in the present about possible future scenarios. I have learned the value of slowing down, and stopping to breathe.

In Jonah 1, the sailors on the ship Jonah boarded panicked in the face of a turbulent ocean storm.  After stopping and asking some questions, they then prayed to God and maintained their faith. They calmed themselves down in the midst of the storm. They complied with Jonah’s request to throw him overboard. Then the storm calmed down as well.

I am amazed at how slowing down puts events in perspective. The crisis can be averted. The uncertainty may remain, but the negative energy doesn’t capture our bodies and encapsulate our minds.

When I face uncertainty, I find that remaining calm, meditating, and breathing enables me to live with the questions.  I feel I can live with the uncertainty. I feel calmer, centered, and peaceful.

There are three periods of anxiety. The Past; the Present; and the Future. It is so important to digest the past and free yourself from the potentially paralyzing narrative from your past which may impede your ability to process the present. There are three moments in the present and the future. The future moment which contains two possible scenarios – one with the unwanted outcome and the second with the desired outcome. If you create stress through your anxiety in the present moment, then your present moment and one of the two future scenarios are negative. If you are able to relax and remain calm in the face of the uncertainty, then your present moment will be more peaceful and one of your future scenarios as well. As a result, two of the three moments will be positive.

Jonah’s boat rode the storm waves up and down. Nevertheless the sailors were able to stay calm.

Can you have faith in God that your uncertain future will unfold and trust yourself to remain calm in the present moment?

How One Small Bite is More Than Enough to Fill Your Stomach and Feed Your Soul

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When was the last time that you truly savored food? In our hectic lives, I often find myself speedily eating large, quick bites, and not fully connecting with my dining companions. I recently had an experience of truly pausing to enjoy and savor my food with the company of my daughter, Lucy. I hope that this short blog inspires others to really slow down and truly enjoy precious food and life moments. Some refer to this as mindfulness – a chance to be fully present in time without judgment or expectation.

“In 2017, Lucy and I visited California over spring break. On our last evening, we had dinner at Plant Food + Wine restaurant, which has an entirely vegan menu. We really talked and connected during our dinner, discussing many topics openly and with great authenticity. Given that Lucy was in 11th grade, many of our dinners back home are rushed and squeezed in between homework and various after school activities, and often I have work and various other projects on my mind. This dinner was truly special and different. I really listened to Lucy so carefully and free of distraction. I really experienced free association listening.

For dessert, we ordered the coconut cream pie. We were intrigued how this dessert could be prepared in a vegan and gluten free manner. When it arrived, I asked for a fork and knife. The piece of pie looked so beautiful. I carefully cut a perfect bite sized piece. I ate it so slowly and savored all of the flavors. I barely chewed – savored and tasted. When Lucy took her bite, she did the same thing. In only one bite, she savored and tasted so slowly and thoroughly. We actually did not eat another bite. We found that one bite was enough.

 Later that evening when we got back to our rooms at our hotel, Lucy sent me a text, “Thank you for being honest and open with me tonight. I really appreciate it and it only makes me have more respect for you. I’m sorry I’m annoying sometimes. I love you Dad.”

One small bite fully experienced and fully savored can be more than enough to fill your stomach and feed your soul.

Simple & Sweet: Andy’s Reflections on Bar/Bat Mitzvah Celebrations

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As members of the Breaking Matzo community know, I have a great love for Jewish ritual experiences, particularly those that involve family and friends. These moments, whether marking a lifecycle event or a holiday, have the potential to inspire and guide us long after they are over. As I reflect on the meaning of bar/bat mitzvah in my life, four snapshots appear in my mind’s eye; each carries a distinct lesson that has remained important to me throughout the years:

I. A Garage Bar Mitzvah – Simplicity & Sweetness
My bar mitzvah celebration took place on March 21, 1981 in Allentown, Pennsylvania. We did not meet in a synagogue, school, or hotel, but in my family’s two-car garage! I vividly remember my mom and dad moving our cars onto the street and sweeping and decorating our garage. My friends and I celebrated in our basement. It was so simple and so sweet. I have been to many beautiful (and much more lavish) bar/bat mitzvah celebrations since that time, but when I think of our garage bar mitzvah, it reminds me of what is most important about these festivities: family, friends, and the celebration of life.

II. Alex’s Bar Mitzvah – Creating Personal Meaning
Unlike my bar mitzvah celebration, my parents held my younger brother’s service and party at the Allentown Hilton. What most impressed me was not the hotel lobby or grand ballroom, but the special, personalized service my parents and Alex crafted together. While they followed the traditional framework of the Shabbat morning service, they also included readings and songs that made it more personally meaningful. It was my first realization that Judaism can be enacted flexibly and that each of us brings something unique to this amazing unfolding tradition.

III. Passing the Torah to My Daughters: From Generation to Generation
I will never forget Caroline and Lucy’s bat mitzvah celebrations. These were two of the proudest days of my life. I still remember standing on the bimah (front platform of the synagogue), passing the Torah to each of them—symbolically handing the tradition to them, just as my parents handed it to me — and then listening to them chant from the scroll and share their thoughts on the Torah portion. It was so powerful to see my little girls with hair bows and child play, emerge as young women with thoughtful ideas and perspectives.

IV. Capturing Memories – Visual Touchstones
This memory actually blends two experiences from my youth and adulthood: I have always been a visual person. In fact, I used my bar mitzvah money—all 350 dollars—to buy my first painting (created by my mom’s artist friend). It is this same artistic sensibility that led me to prepare montages for countless family celebrations. For my daughters’ bat mitzvahs, my goal was to capture images from each of their 13 years in 13 minutes! I spent an enormous time preparing each of these photographic presentations, and loved every moment of the process. It was deeply gratifying to witness the joy it brought to the girls and our family and friends. I have watched the montages many times as a way of remembering these special events and the people I love.

Viewing Photo Montage

Left to right: Rachael (Lucy and Caroline’s mom), Andy, Lucy, and Caroline (Andy’s daughters) enjoy the photo montage Andy created.

What do you remember most when you close your eyes and reflect on your bar/bat mitzvah experiences or other life cycle rituals? What are the lessons you carry with you from these sacred moments in time?

Bar/Bat Mitzvah Parties — Remembering What Matters Most

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How can you plan a fun AND meaningful bar/bat mitzvah celebration?

Far too many people plan “over-the-top” bar and bat mitzvah parties. For a hilarious, but searing critique of this phenomenon, we encourage you to watch the movie Keeping Up with the Steins — a modern classic. As the title suggests, we can all get lost in trying to “keep up” with or impress others, even while marking a sacred occasion.

In thinking about this temptation and the sad reality of the competitive bar/bat mitzvah culture, we’re sharing an excerpt (edited) from Caroline Goldfarb’s (Andy’s daughter) bat mitzvah teaching in which she spoke of the importance of balancing the “holy day” and “holiday” aspects of this rite of passage:

The way you decide to spend your bar or bat mitzvah day determines whether it is a holiday or a holy day. Notice how close these two words are. A holiday belongs to us; it’s about what we want, when we want it, and how we will do it. It’s about having fun, without necessarily thinking about why we are celebrating. A holy day belongs to God, and it requires us to reflect on the meaning of our lives… Any special occasion can be either a holiday or a holy day… In thinking honestly about my own bat mitzvah experience today, I would say that I have landed somewhere in the middle along the continuum. Of course, I do care about my dress and the party, but I also care a lot about the service I am helping to lead and my growth as a Jewish person. I like to think of my bat mitzvah experience as a person holding two weights: one symbolizing the party and one symbolizing the service. I need to be strong and balanced to hold both. I am trying to make this day a “holy holiday.”

Andy & daughter, Caroline dance

Andy & Caroline (Andy’s daughter) celebrate her Bat Mitzvah, May 9, 2009.

We realize it is a struggle to achieve the kind of balance Caroline spoke of at her bat mitzvah. It is important that we mark the seasons of the year and of our lives thoughtfully and joyously. That is the animating spirit of Breaking Matzo: making these occurrences “magical, meaningful, and memorable”! Given the unfortunate tendency in today’s culture to tip the scales towards big, expensive, and flashy bar/bat mitzvah parties, it is important to remember what we are celebrating and why we are doing so. Keeping these things in mind, experiencing “holy holidays” is possible…Just imagine!

Please share this with your bar/bat mitzvah child…
How do you envision your bar/bat Mitzvah service and party? How can you relate your Torah portion to your life today? How will you make your bar/bat mitzvah a truly “holy holiday”?

Shibori Challah Cover

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Shibori is the Japanese word for “twist or wring”.

This Japanese form of dyeing uses Indigo as the main form of dye. Methods include dyeing fabric by rolling, bending, tying, binding, folding, twisting and pressing. We immediately fell in love with this form of dyeing as its main color is Indigo Blue. This technique originated in Japan (where Breaking Matzo’s Andy Goldfarb has lived and traveled throughout the years). One of the tricks behind indigo dyeing is that once you have prepared the bath of dye in your vat, it no longer appears blue until, of course, it is exposed to oxygen. Magic! Remember whatever you use to resist the fabric will repel the dye – be it wood, rocks, and rubber bands. The materials used to resist can easily be found around your home. There are so many techniques from simple to abstract to create different patterns – we played around but look at our results!

And PLEASE post your results on Facebook or Instagram!

Make sure to use a large enough napkin to cover the traditional two challahs at your bar/bat mitzvah blessing table. This makes a gorgeous challah cover and you could even delight in creating a matching chair cover for the Horah!

Materials:

  • Indigo Tie Dye Kit
  • Napkins (for cover)
  • Rubber Gloves
  • 5 Gallon Plastic Bucket With Lid
  • Paint Stirrer or Yard Stick for Stirring
  • Rocks or pebbles, rubber bands, wood boards, popsicle sticks
Shibori Challah Cover Materials

 

Step 1: pour 4 Gallons of warm water into bucket

Shibori Challah Cover Step 1

 

Step 2: Pour indigo powder into bucket. Stir in a circular motion

Shibori Challah Cover Step 2

 

Step 3: Pour soda ash and Hydro into bucket while still stirring

Shibori Challah Cover Step 3

 

Step 4: Stir all contents slowly reversing opposite direction dragging stick
along wall of bucket to incorporate. Put lid on bucket and let rest 1 hour.

Shibori Challah Cover Step 4

 

Step 5: While waiting for dye bath, start folding napkins! There are many techniques!!
You can use wood boards, rubber bands, binder clips, and rocks and wrap napkins in
all different ways to find your favorite pattern. Here we used wood boards and rubber
bands (both come with the Indigo Dye Kit). Have fun and try a variety of methods….
no matter it will be your original shibori design!

Shibori Challah Cover Step 5a Shibori Challah Cover Step 5b Shibori Challah Cover Step 5c Shibori Challah Cover Step 5d Shibori Challah Cover Step 5e Shibori Challah Cover Step 5f Shibori Challah Cover Step 5g

 

Step 6: Check back with dye after 1 hour to make sure the dye “flowers” on top.
Move flower aside along the side of the bucket and make sure the dye is
yellowish green – dye will not appear blue until it is exposed to oxygen.

Shibori Challah Cover Step 6

 

Step 7: Dip items into “bath” for 10 minutes.  We used wire to help hold items
(you don’t want them to hit the bottom of the bucket as it will pick up settled residue.

Shibori Challah Cover Step 7

 

Step 8: Take Items out of bath (they will look green) and expose to air
until it turns blue. Put lid on vat while you wait for items to change color.

Shibori Challah Cover Step 8

 

Step 9: Unwrap items you dyed and run under water until water runs clear.
Repeat Re-dip into dye another 5-10 minutes. Let rest 12-24 hrs.

Unwrap the rubber bands and boards and check out your design!! Make sure to wash out with water until it runs clear of dye.

Shibori Challah Cover Step 9

Send in your ideas and designs…we would love to see YOUR unique creations!

Caroline’s Bat Mitzvah Speech

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My Torah portion is taken from the book of Leviticus, beginning with chapter 23, verse 1. In my portion, God is telling Moses what to tell the rest of the Jews. What he is telling him is about the “sacred occasions.” The ones mentioned are Shabbat, Passover, and Sukkot.

There is a lot of talk about when you do work, and when you don’t. When referring to the day when you don’t work, the word Shabbat is used.  The word Shabbat literally means, “to stop.” But what are we really stopping? We’re not just stopping working at our occupations; we’re stopping our normal routine to allow time for ourselves, our family, and God.

The way you decide to spend your day determines whether it is a holiday or a holy day. Notice how close they are. A holiday belongs to us; it’s about what we want to do, when we want to do it.  It’s about having fun, and we don’t really think about what we’re even celebrating. A holy day belongs to God, it’s about thinking about God, and reflecting. It is meaningful and personal.

But in the end, any sacred occasion can be either a holiday or a holy day. I was trying to think of the best way to convey this thought about holidays and holy days, and I decided what better example than my Bat Mitzvah itself. I could be just thinking about the party that I’m having tonight. Thinking about the presents, my dress, the way the room is going to look, and the other countless things that there are to think about that have to do with the party. That would be a holiday. I could be just thinking about the service that I’m having right now. Thinking about my torah, haftarah, the trope, what it means to become a Bat Mitzvah, and the many prayers that are going to be said and have already been said.  That would be a holy day. I feel that I am in the middle of that spectrum. I care a lot about the party and that stuff, but I also care a lot about the service and my Jewish identity. I believe this is the best way to become a Bat or Bar Mitzvah. If I only cared about the party, there’d be no point in having a service because I’d be doing something that I don’t care about, and you should always try 100% and there’d be no point to spend all this time on something that I wasn’t going to put my 100% into. If I only cared about the service, well, that wouldn’t work either, because you have to have some way of celebrating all the hard work that went into the service.

I like to think of my Bat Mitzvah, this day, as a person holding two weights. One symbolizing the celebration, and one symbolizing the service. I have to be strong to hold both. I have to be strong to make sure that I don’t slip to either side of the spectrum, that I don’t lose sight of either of the parts of this great day. The person that fits best into this metaphor is my dad. He’s physically strong enough to hold both weights, but also, I think he does an amazing job with really caring about the Jewish aspects of “sacred occasions,” but also has fun and celebrates the “sacred occasions.”

Those of you here who have enjoyed our Passover seder or have eaten under our sukkah (the only built in sukkah in Boston) know what I mean. He is the perfect example of someone who can make a holy holiday, which is a hard thing to do. I want to be able to make this very special day in my life, a holy holiday. And I’m so glad that all of you could be here to join me in its celebration.

DIY Havdalah Candle

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Havdalah marks the end of the sabbath and the beginning of a new week. Naturally this constitutes a Bar/Bat Mitzvah Service taking place at sundown on Saturday. This braided multi-wick candle is beautifully lit during the ceremony as a blessing is heard. This ceremony is popular for its beauty and timing (just in time for an evening party to follow the service). We used rolled beeswax (as we used in another one of our DIYs-see hanukkah menorah candles to create this fabulous DIY!

Materials:
Beeswax and Wick
Hairdryer  (if wax is not pliable-usually when too cold)
Knife
Rubber gloves

Before you begin, lay out three different color 16” beeswax sheets.
Cut out two of each color  4” x 8” sheet of each color. Totaling 3- 4” x 8” sheets.
Measure 6-8 ½”wick ½” for each sheet (3 in total).

DIY Havdalah Candle Materials

 

Step 1:
Roll each wax tightly around laid out wick so wick is hanging out 1/2 “ on one side
laying from end to end of 8” side.

DIY Havdalah Candle Step 1

 

Step 2: Roll wax with wick in the middle from end to end.
Note: If wax begins to break,  heat for a bit with blowdryer to make more pliable.

DIY Havdalah Candles Step 2

 

Step 3: Repeat three times with three different color waxes.

 

Step 4: Join three pillars together and squeeze at base of candles
to join them together at the bottom.

DIY Havdalah Candle Step 4

 

Step 5: Braid All wax pieces together.

DIY Havdalah Candle Step 5

 

DIY Havdalah Candle

Personalized Kiddush Cup

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Jewish special occasions such as a bar/bat mitzvahs begin with a blessing over a cup of wine.

Create this one-of-a-kind Kiddush cup to commemorate this special occasion. We customized our Kiddush cup to include the name and date of the bat//bar mitzvah child. This personal touch adds those personal details to a very special occasion which can be handed down through the generations. Each Mitzvah celebrated, another family member can add their name and date to commemorate their special occasion – eventually becoming a family heirloom!

Materials:

DIY Kiddush Cup Materials

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Step 1:
Stir paint before using. Paint cup being careful not to paint the rim
around cup as it is not food safe.

DIY Kiddush Cup Step 1

 

Step 2: Let dry and add name and mitzvah date with paint pen.
Let dry a full 24 hrs.

 

Bake in oven at 150 degrees for 35 minutes.
Remove from oven and let cool.
Spray varnish and let dry.

DIY Kiddush Cup

Focusing on the Essence of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Ritual: Thinking Out of the Box

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How can you have no party, no guests, no service and still create a meaningful bar/bat mitzvah celebration? What are your out-of-the-box bar/bat mitzvah ideas?

Thinking outside the box is something that has always inspired me. My niece Sophia celebrated her bat mitzvah in such a creative and meaningful manner. Instead of an elaborate party and public service, Sophia studied on her own and wrote a letter to her friends and family about her Torah portion and her thoughts on being Jewish. Instead of receiving traditional gifts, Sophia asked each person to give her a gift of writing a letter about what Judaism means to them.

While this manner of becoming a bat mitzvah may not be for everyone, I certainly wanted to share this inspiring out of the box celebration idea.

Note: I am including the text of Sophia’s letter and my response here (link to Andy’s response).

—————————————————–

Dear Family and Friends,

Let me introduce myself. I am Sophia Lena Santos Goldfarb, daughter of Manuel Santos and Miriam Goldfarb. Bat Mitzvah literally means “Daughter of the Commandant”. I never had a formal Bat Mitzvah at the age of 12-13, but throughout the years I have always practiced Judaism. My whole life I’ve studied, learned about and celebrated the holidays such as Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Chanukah, Purim, Passover, and most importantly Shabbat. I have learned about our rituals…, our history — ancient and contemporary, the diaspora, the Ashkenazim, the Sephardim, the Holocaust, the birth of the State of Israel and her challenges — and more. I have also enjoyed the food, music, comedic legacy and fun. Although I did not have a traditional bat mitzvah ceremony, I still studied my parasha (Torah portion) and continue to explore the Hebrew language. Jewish values, people and culture; these things are important to me, in fact, fundamental to my identity.

My parashah was Nitzavim found in Deuteronomy. This text comes near the end of the Torah and contains many important concepts — important to the Jewish people, but also important to me personally. In Nitzavim, Moses gathers the Israelites on the day of his passing to enter them into a covenant with G-D. My understanding is that there are four key points in this parashah: First, the unity of Jews, “You stand today, all of you, before the L-rd your G-d.” Second, the notion of redemption, the outcast may always return to the “Land which your fathers have possessed.” Third, the importance of applying the text, the messages of the Torah, to our everyday lives. “It is not beyond you, nor is it remote from you. It is not in heaven…It is not across the seas…Rather, it is very close to you”. And lastly, and so interestingly, we are given the concept of choice in Nitzavim. “Life and death I have set before you, blessing and curse. And you shall choose life.” The commandment tells us to choose life. We are reminded however that the choice is ours. This is a freedom not to be taken lightly.

From the Parsha, I have come to understand that 1) I always have a home amongst the Jewish community and family. That I, in fact, do belong among Jews and Jewish culture; and that 2) should I stray, I have the forgiveness of my people and G-d, and the opportunity to redeem myself. 3) I would like to be a “daughter of Commandment’ so I can take the message from the Torah and apply them to my own life, in order to help others and be the best person I can be. Text is not just words and metaphors; this is where rubber meets the road. And 4) most importantly, I think I have the choice and freedom to make decision in my life, always guided by the above principles.

In conclusion, as I am growing into an adults (I am now 16), it would mean a lot to me to hear from you, my family and friends, about what it means for you to be Jewish. This is a very broad question, I know, and can be interpreted in many ways. But I want to hear from all of you, secular and religious, Atheists, Agnostics, Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, Reconstructionist, whatever you are and however you, per Nitzavim, have chosen to live Because when conjoined, that is exactly what makes it/us so interesting. We are all Jews, and this has different meaning for all of us. I know this is a lot to ask and you don’t get any great food or party at the end (well hey, you didn’t have to fly to Boston or pay for a hotel ? )…but I’m asking for just one page (more if you desire of course) about the meaning of Judaism for you. Total honesty is all I ask. Once you have sent me your words, my family and I will make a book of all your letters that I will keep with my for the rest of my life. This book too will no doubt be a buoy in good times and dark times, something that I will always treasure and look to for wisdom. Thank you all so much.

Sincerely,

Sophia

See Andy’s letter to Sophia here.

Centerpieces for Charity

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Flowers, candles, candy all of which are commonly used as centerpieces at events ….the possibilities are endless when it comes to centerpieces for your child’s bar/bat mitzvah, but how about creating a centerpiece that’s magical and meaningful?

Why not encourage the values of tikkun olam and giving back by donating your centerpieces to a charity of your choice. This could be part of your child’s mitzvah project making them part of the process and more meaningful to them. There could be a few different charities (each represented in a different centerpiece) or, as we designed here, pick a charity, contact them, and ask if they have a suggested contribution list they can send you and create centerpieces based on their lists which can be donated to them after your event.

We had fun creating a themed centerpiece. Our “Mealtime” themed centerpieces were donated to The Grow Clinic at Boston Medical Center. In addition to “Mealtime” how about, “sleepy time”, “playtime” or another  fun theme. You can color coordinate the items on each table, or pick a genre such as (games, snacks, article of clothing). Have your child participate (as part of their mitzvah project), get them involved in picking out the items and designing the basket. Then, after the event have them deliver and see how giving can be better than receiving. Not sure where to donate? Do a bit of research – there are plenty of places in need of donations. Help your child find something they feel passionate about and help them lead the way.  Maybe there is a local camp in need of new and used sports equipment? Or, does your child have a love for animals and want to help. Whatever you choose will be meaningful and fulfilling for your child and your family?

MEALTIME CENTERPIECE

Bar Mitzvah Centerpiece for Charity

 

Supply Donation Suggestion List from Grow Clinic at Boston Medical. Some “MEALTIME” items they have listed you could add to a centerpiece:

  • Thermos, straw bottles, 12oz, Foogo (Available at Target)
  • 16 and 32oz calibrated plastic bottles with cap
  • Baby bottles with nipples Avent, Breast Flow, Dr. Brown’s
  • BPA free Sippy cups- non spill – all ages
  • BPA free Sippy cups – soft top
  • Cups with straws attached
  • Spoons for babies, Spoons and forks for toddlers
  • Toddler plates, suctioned
  • Blenders
  • Gerber graduate meals
  • Stage 3 and 4 Baby foods
  • Flintstones complete chewable vitamins with iron and zinc
  • Poly-vi-sol with iron- liquid
  • Tri-vi-sol with iron- liquid
  • Wipes
  • Cereal bars, no nuts
  • Cook books for kids  (multicultural)
  • Measuring spoons, measuring cups, baby feeding bowls

Questions? Please email LaKeisha M. Gandy, Administrative Associate Director, Boston Medical Center, at Lakeisha.Gandy@bmc.org or call 617-414-5251. Any donation big or small is welcome.