The Secret Formula to Making a Magical Virtual Photo Montage

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Sharing photo montages online and via email is a great way to stay connected during times of social isolation.

The Bar/Bat Mitzvah is rite of passage, but it’s not just the young teen who is going through a journey of sorts.

In a sense, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah ritual is also a rite of passage for us as parents who are beginning the process of letting go: letting our son or daughter transition to adulthood and begin to accept responsibilities for their actions, to be more accountable as a member of their community.

As a parent, I found the process of creating photo montages for both my daughters’ Bat Mitzvah celebrations to be somewhat therapeutic. The project was a milestone moment for me to stop, reflect, revisit and assemble a story of my girls’ journey for birth to bimah (the platform at the front of the synagogue’s sanctuary where prayer is led.)

The Bar/Bat Mitzvah photo montage has been a highlight of many celebrations for years. The execution of the montage has evolved as photography has evolved. In some ways, they’re easier than ever to produce. As a young father, I would spend hours getting photos developed. Then my work began: cutting, pasting, assembling. Today I can create a vibrant multi-media presentation with special effects and music in seconds; or I can create beautiful books using any number of online tools.  But creating has also become more difficult:  Technology and the ubiquity of cameras on our personal devices means that we are faced staggering number of photos to sort through. The entire project can be overwhelming.

Getting started

Sure, you can pay someone to create a photo montage video presentation for you. You can turn over shoeboxes, disks and drives with thousands of photos and wait a few weeks. You can be your own producer and use the latest video editing software adding cool visual effects, glitz and music. But in my mind the best montages are the simplest. They come from the heart. And when you pace yourself and break the process down into small, manageable steps, they’re not very difficult to do. Plus, you experience getting to view hundreds, ok…thousands, of photos for a trip down memory lane. What can be more precious than that?

Whether you’re creating a simple scrapbook, a slideshow or a video montage with music and special effects the preparation is the same. Researching and locating representative photos from each year of life, milestones, family and friends.

It’s easy, right?

Wrong. It’s daunting. But think about the look on your child’s face when they see their life in review. Think how special your family and friends will feel when they see that you chose to highlight them in your montage. You’re creating legacy for your children (and their children) to enjoy for years to come.

Thousands of choices, but what makes a “magical” photo

A magical photo is simply a photo that captures a moment and creates a feeling: happy, sad, thoughtful. There are many elements that go into a good photo, ad everyone’s tastes are different. It’s up to you to know when you’ve captured a magical moment.

A basic formula

This is a basic formula to help you organize your Bar/Bat Mitzvah photo montage. This is meant to give you a starting point. My personal advice: Don’t edit yourself. Don’t get stuck because you can’t decide between one photo over another. Go back and edit yourself later, and then go back and edit again. The best writers aren’t necessarily great writers, they are excellent editors.

  1. Individual pictures of the child, birth through 13 years: 12-18 photos
  2. Immediate family: about 12-18 total photos
    1. Entire family: 4-6 photos
    2. Child with siblings: 4-6 photos
    3. Child with parents: 4-6 photos
  3. Child with grandparents: 4-8 photos; start with the earliest photos and the most recent.
  4. Child with other relatives: 8-12 photos
    1. Child with cousins: 4-6 photos
    2. Child with aunts and uncles: 4-6 photos
  5. Child with (current) friends: 8-10 photos
  6. Child with special people (although we don’t have “god parents” in the Jewish faith, we still have people we consider very close to our family.

Once the “people” category is completed, spend a little time gathering some milestone pictures:

  1. First/last day of school
  2. Family vacations
  3. Family holiday celebration

Now think about organization: you may wish to display your photos in chronological order (my personal preference) or grouped by theme: family, friends, activities, vacations, interests, etc. This is purely a personal preference.

You will have about 70-100 photos. At 4 seconds per photos, you’ve just created a 5-7 minute slideshow montage.

Opinion varies on what an optimal duration is. You don’t want to make your guests sit through a 30-minute presentation while the food is getting cold and the DJ is on the clock. Something short, easily digestible. A 3-5 minute montage is a good starting point.  But for some, a 13-minute video makes sense – that’s one minute for each year. If you are including many of your guests in your montage (pictures of relatives, friends, etc.) they’ll be more than happy to sit through it!

Beyond Bar/Bat Mitzvah

The Bar/Bat Mitzvah won’t be the last time you’ll want to create a photo montage of special people. There will be so many reasons to chronicle the most important moments in life: trips or other milestone events. Whatever the event, the presentation is guaranteed to bring a smile to everyone’s face and a (happy) tear to their eye.

Additional Resources

Photo Butler is a free app that will allow you and your guests to automagically and private share your party photos. It is entirely private. You can choose who gets to see your photos and contribute photos. The best way to enjoy is to set up a Photo Butler stream during your event – all guests who attend can contribute photos. All guests (who cannot attend) can view the event photos during the event. In addition, you will have so many photos from your friends and not have to worry about asking your friends to text / send you photos afterwards. It is basically the technology revolution of the throw away cameras that used to be placed on each table at a party.  Here is an overview video about Photo Butler and here is a link to the app.

Our Children Will be Virtual Teachers of Torah

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How do you inspire your child to inspire us all? Your child will teach our community.

Your child can email their Torah portion and bar/bat mitzvah speech to family, friends, and loved one. This allows them to share their thoughts on the Torah’s wisdom, even during periods of social isolation.

One of the most important aspects of the bar/bat mitzvah experience is providing a young person with the opportunity to study and teach Torah. “Torah” literally refers to the Five Books of Moses or the Pentateuch, but more broadly to the great storehouse of Jewish wisdom—ancient, medieval and modern. Judaism is a culture animated by the study of and creative interpretation of Torah; a rich textual tradition replete with stories, ethical maxims, prayers, laws, poetry, and humor. The text of the Hebrew Bible is itself thousands of years old and generations of Jews have continuously read and discussed its meaning in their lives.

In initiating a bar or bat mitzvah into Jewish adulthood, part of the goal is to help the young person discover the spiritual, moral, and existential resources available to them through the study of Torah. Further, we wish to articulate to our children that their voices matter — that their insights and interpretations can be beneficial, even transformative, to others. We seek to instill in our kids the understanding that they are both inheritors and innovators of Jewish life and thought. This sensibility is, in fact, a part of many Jewish observances that include elements designed to engage and empower Jewish children and young people. One well-known example is the Passover Seder, at which it is customary for the youngest child to ask the Four Questions.

One way to communicate this sacred idea at the bar/bat mitzvah ceremony is to provide the honoree the opportunity to offer a Torah teaching. This is often a central part of synagogue training programs or the work of a private tutor. Below are two brief lists of suggestions for how a bar/bat mitzvah can prepare his/her teaching and how s/he might present the teaching. We recommend you review these lists with your child or student and others involved in the preparation process. Remember, these are suggestions, not hard-and-fast rules:

Please share this with your bar/bat mitzvah child:
When preparing your Torah teaching:

  • Read the Torah and haftarah portions for the week of your celebration in English (and Hebrew, if possible)?
  • As you read, note any interesting ideas or topics in either (or both) text.
  • Is there one idea or topic especially interesting? Why?
  • How does this subject relate to contemporary life?
  • How does it relate to your life and the experience of becoming a bar or bat mitzvah?
  • Are there other textual or cultural sources (e.g., a movie, painting, poem) on your topic that might help deepen or clarify your thoughts?
  • Choose at least one person with whom you can have an ongoing conversation about your bar/bat mitzvah teaching as you develop your thoughts and writing (over the course of a few months). How often will you check in with them? Who else could be helpful in developing and drafting your presentation?

For more information on preparing a meaningful bar/bat mitzvah teaching — including alternatives to a speech — see Rabbi Goldie Milgram.

Elements of your speech (10-12 minutes):

  • Welcome – Greet and thank all those present and those with you in spirit
  • Introduction – What will you be sharing with your community and why?
  • Torah Lesson – What is one key lesson you learned from your studies?
  • Contemporary & Personal Connections – Why does it matter today, to you?
  • Give Thanks – Honor the people who helped you prepare and who helped you grow into a bar/bat mitzvah
  • Enjoy – Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment, knowing you have worked hard and contributed to your community!

Thank you Rabbi Or Rose for your help and insight on this article!

We’re sharing Lucy and Caroline’s (Andy’s daughters) speeches here as examples:

Caroline’s Bat Mitzvah speech
Lucy’s Bat Mitzvah speech

Meaningful Virtual Mitzvah Projects: Inspiring your Child

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What social action projects has your child planned or done? What might inspire them to act to help heal the world?

In times of crisis and social isolation, works of charity and community are more important than ever. Over the last 20 years or so, it has become common for bar and bat mitzvah tweens to engage in a social or environmental action project as part of their learning experience. In fact, many synagogues require young folks to do so as part of the preparation for the bar/bat mitzvah celebrations.

Reflecting on the benefits of such projects, the writer Marjorie Ingall comments:

The intent is lovely: Teach kids about the responsibilities of Jewish adulthood, encourage the values of tikkun olam (healing/mending the world) and giving back, raise funds for good causes, and be so awesome that you don’t even need Ne-Yo in your bar mitzvah video (“Doing Mitzvah Projects Right,” Tablet Magazine, 3/13/2013).

But as Ingall points out, it is crucial for parents and educators to work closely with young people when choosing and crafting these projects (moving from “intent” to “execution” ).

Please share this with your bar/bat mitzvah child:
When thinking about your mitzvah project:
(based on the work of Naomi Eisenberger and the Ziv Tzedakah Fund):

  • What is one issue or that you care about? Why?
  • What talents or skills do you possess that you can apply to this cause?
  • Who can help you address this issue meaningfully?
  • What are 2-3 goals you want to accomplish through this mitzvah project?

In writing about the challenges and opportunities of the mitzvah project, Ingall adds the following points for our consideration:

  • Encourage your child or student to use the year preparing for their Bar/Bat Mitzvah AND committing to their mitzvah project. How can s/he make this happen?
  • If your bar/bat mitzvah is working with an organization, have him/her speak to representatives to understand how it works and how to be most helpful.
  • Explore how this project relates to key values and teachings from Judaism and other sources of wisdom.

As the great Jewish theologian and activist, Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel stated repeatedly, “To be is to stand for.” As our tweens prepare to enter Jewish adulthood, taking on a mitzvah project can help them determine what they “stand for” and how to make a difference in the world.

Quarantine Creativity 3/31/20

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Good morning!

The sun is shining on the outside, I hope that the sun is also shining on your inside – even if only for a brief moment today!

Here are a couple of things to help you smile.

First, a funny video from my brother Laurence!  Quarantine Creativity!

Second, I like to combine my passion for omotenashi, fashion, and pocket squares. My usual sartorial style has been compromised by during this at home period. I had to adapt, adjust, and be creative!  I thought I would share my new homemade pocket square collection. We simply iron on stickers in my own.  Super easy and super fun! I hope that it makes you smile!

Have you discovered any prior routines or habits that you had to alter during this period?  Have you found a blessing in the new creative method and manner of your routine and habit?

Regards,

Andy

Savoring the Moment 3/30/20

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This weekend, I reflected on the extra time that this period provides many of us to connect with family more than usual.

How do we experience the time together?

Saturday evening, I had a really beautiful connecting dinner with my daughter, Lucy.  She has been visiting me for dinner every 2-3 days or so.  We had such a fun dinner and talk.  She wanted to speak to me solely in Japanese to practice (Lucy is a Japanese major at Harvard).

Our dinner reminded me of a dinner that I had with Lucy in 2017 when I had just left my Bed Rest and really experienced the precious moment of time fully.

I wrote a blog about savoring the moment – whether a bite of food or just a few precious moments with a loved one. You can find it here.

I hope that you will find blessings in a moment with your loved ones (whether in person or virtually) during this Covid19 period.

Regards,

Andy

How to Have the Bar Mitzvah You Want

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In August of 2017 I was asked to share my thoughts on Breaking Matzo and throwing a magical, meaningful and memorable bar/bat mitzvah. Here is what I had to say:

Jewish home holidays have been an incredible passion of mine. I loved Passover. I loved Sukkot. With my family, we actively celebrated the holidays, and we cooked all the time. Breaking Matzo started with my children: At Passover, I would write a custom Haggadah every year.

Now with the site expanding to offer bar and bat mitzvah insights, I hope to make these rites of passage magical, meaningful and memorable, not morose, morbid or maddening.

If you’re overwhelmed with planning, costs, interpersonal woes, family dynamics or squabbling with your child over visions for the event, remember, it:

  • should stimulate the mind
  • touch the heart
  • uplift the soul.

The most important thing is to make sure it’s personally significant. I had an extravagant bar mitzvah, but unusual. My parents moved our cars out of our two-car garage, swept it and decorated it. The kids’ party was downstairs in the basement. My uncle, who was a rabbi in Israel, made freshly baked challah. It was sweet and simple.

So, how can you have a bar or bat mitzvah that’s significant, not stressful?

Step one: Stimulate the mind. This involves understanding the history of the bar or bat mitzvah.

Step two: Touch the heart. The heart is the Torah. Connect with text that has been around for thousands of years, but make it meaningful to you. Find something in your heart that connects with the words on the page. If you can do that, you teach the congregation

Step three, and perhaps the most important: Uplift the soul. Remember, this is about your child’s journey, not yours, he says.

Many parents interfere too much and are too heavy-handed. It’s about the kid. Remember what matters the most. Parents might think it’s their social event and overlook the interest of the kid. Ask, ‘What’s good for my child? How can I help them go from being a Jewish child to a Jewish young adult?’

If you’re still overwhelmed with logistical woes or wondering whether Aunt Debby will cause a scene on the dance floor because the event wasn’t to her liking, take a pause.

Close your eyes, go to a quiet place and try to imagine the feeling that you would like your son or daughter to have at the end of the day. The bar or bat mitzvah is about the beauty of unique expression. If your kid wants to do something unique, you should be so proud that he or she wants to do something meaningful. You don’t want them to just follow the course.

You can read the full article of my interview here.

 

Resources for Throwing a Virtual Bar/Bat Mitzvah

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How do you have a bar/bat mitzvah when you’re not supposed to leave the house?

A bar/bat mitzvah is a magical, meaningful, and memorable moment in a young Jew’s life. Beyond that, the entire family and community get to celebrate this traditional coming of age rite. Unfortunately, sometimes circumstance prevents us from gathering to celebrate this once in a lifetime occasion. Here are some resources that can help you and your family navigate this important milestone during times when you can’t all be together.

I have compiled my own thoughts on how to have a simple and sweet bar/bat mitzvah during a quarantine or similar event. The key to a great bar/bat mitzvah is that it stimulates the mind, touches the heart with the Torah, and uplifts the soul. You can read more about how to do so here.

Kveller has made a step-by-step how-to guide for throwing a virtual bar or bat mitzvah party. It walks you through technology suggestions, who to invite, music choices, how to incorporate rituals and more. You can find their guide here.

A 13-year-old in Manhattan had one of the first virtual bar mitzvahs. He was able to borrow a neighbor’s private Torah and had nearly 250 people attend via Zoom. His story is an interesting one that can help provide a template for others to throw their own remote bar/bat mitzvah. You can read about this story here and here, this article contains a firsthand recounting of the event.

Baltimore Magazine has a humorous and insightful story of a family throwing a virtual bar mitzvah. Not only is it an entertaining read, but it is chock full of useful information for throwing your own. You can find it here.

Reconnecting with a Hobby 3/26/20

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My comic book collection in a box

Given how much time I am in my house, I thought I would share my new project.  I am finally organizing my childhood comic book collection!  I have not seen these comics in over 35 years!

Comic Book Collection

My comic book collection organization on the floor

Going through these comics has brought me smiles and joy!  I remember how diligently I cataloged them as a young boy.

Typed Comic Book List

My inventory list of all of my comics which I created and typed when I was 9 years old

  • What is a new project that you can start during this Life in the Pause?
  • Do you have a childhood collection or hobby that you could rekindle in these Life in the Pause period?
  • Would it bring you joy and happiness?

Regards,

Andy

Spiderman Illustration

Spider Man Cartoon signed by John Romita Sr. (original Spider Man artist)

Andy & his parents Venice, Italy

Me and my parents on my first Cruise, the Daphne, in 1975 in Venice.  I wore my superhero tee shirts every day of the trip!

Nurturing Nature 3/25/20

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I miss seeing all of my teammates and I really look forward to our company meeting today to gather and check in and give our “high fives!”– virtually but actually

While I work in my home office, I look outside my window I feel so happy to see trees and the sun.  Nature has never felt so sweet to me.  Stepping outside to breath the fresh air has been a blessing that I had taken for granted – not anymore.  I will now savor how nurturing nature can feel.

I wanted to share a blog that I had previously written about “How you ever had a love affair…..with a tree?” Here is the link.

Regards,

Andy

Finding the Worm 3/24/20

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As the global pandemic seems to worsen, I look for the light at the end of the tunnel.  A great motivator for me is thinking about legacy. I am so grateful to the legacy that my family has provided me.

  • My grandfather Normy told me “Don’t let anyone rain on your parade!”
  • My mom, of blessed memory, told me “The early worm gets the early worm, the late bird gets the late worm, there is ALWAYS a worm”

During challenging times, I find myself reflecting on these seemingly simple sayings. For me, they are simply not so simple. They have been powerful fuel and motivation for me to drive, survive, thrive, and live.

I have also shared these blessings with my daughters, Caroline and Lucy. I can feel the love and encouragement from my Grandfather and Mom from above and around as they feel the impact that their words have on my children.

During these times of reflection, legacy can help create a sense of belonging and may mitigate any feelings of loneliness.

I think that leaving a legacy creates meaning for each of us.

  • How can we find meaning in our lives? Can we look to our family traditions for guide and inspiration?
  • What legacy has your family left to you? What is your legacy that you will leave to your family?

Here is a link to a blog that I wrote on the topic of legacy.  (Full disclosure – I also integrate my passion for photos!)

Regards,

Andy